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Question #1168541907Thursday, 11-Jan-2007
Category: ESFj ISFp Love
I'm in love with an ESFJ female. How can I win her over? (I'm an ISFP) -- Anonymous
Your Answers: 1+
A1 Flowers, stuffed animals, jewelry, take her out...I'm not sure if my suggestions have much to do with type. I have had the fortune and misfortune of having ESFj females here and there become somewhat enamored by me...my "INTjness" usually turns them off at some point, but that doesn't mean it's hopeless. Based on my interactions, ESFjs like to be buttered up ("you look so good", blah blah, something I don't usually say to women). Most women won't admit it but especially Fj females seem to have their feelings hurt easily. So, be nice. You have an advantage to be in the same quadrable as the person you like, but that's not the reason you should ask her out. By the way, let us know what happens! -- econdude
A2 just look responsible enough for her, show her that everything is taken care of and that she's safe and that you have a "plan" for your life and be romantic then do all the conventional stuff that's expected from "a male to a female!" -- lara
A3 ESFJ's are people pleasers. They like to feel needed. They to be helpful. They are appreciation junkies. Ask for her help and praise her for helping. Also as members of the Alpha quadra they appreciate novelty. As extraverted feelers they are drawn to things that are naturally beautiful. -- Anonymous
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A4 I am an ESFJ. I agree with A1 & A2, but not A3. If you ask for her help for an emotional issue that you have, she will see you as weak and will not respect you. It will be a big turn off. If you ask for her help to do practical things for you she will feel used and not respected by you. ESFJs want to be loved and worshiped. Yes they love to help but not if forced to do so. They need to feel that any help they give is freely given! They also need you to be working with them - side by side, you need to be working atleast as hard as they are. Sincere complements, romance, a take charge attitude and humour will win her heart. -- Anonymous
A5 Ok this is a total side comment here but I'm an ISFP female and I find that male ESFJs are absolutely the most attractive personality type EVER!!!!!!!!! So I strongly dispute the dualties on this website becuse I really think that ISFPs and ESFJs really just fit together, or at least in my situation they do. And as for your question Mr. Anonymous I would suggest being yourself but maybe in a bold way. Other than that I'm sorry I can't be of more help. -- Anonymous
A6 ESFj males can be so feminine though especially after you get to know them. and they like to guilt-trip you just to get their way. they're the worst personality by far -- Anonymous
A7 a5, isfp are the best for esfj in terms of a love relationship but i think that entp are in fact the best dual for you in terms of friendship -- enfj
A8 A RESPONSE TO A6: ESFJs are by far the worst personality ever? That was one of the most disgusting statements I've ever read in my life. Every single personality is beautiful and absolutely necessary to make the world go around. And that statement was a complete generalization...do you know every ESFJ in the world? The truth is ESFJs are the worst personality IN YOUR OPINION....which I don't know about other people but it doesn't hold much weight with me. -- Anonymous
A9 @A7: Have you found that your dual according to socionics is the best dual for you in terms of friendship? I've never been friends with an ENTP...I think my sister is an ESTP and we've always got along great...but actually I natrually gravitate toward ENFJs (MBTI ENFJ) when it comes to friends...along with anybody who's fun-loving or adventurous regardless of type. -- A5 ISFP
A10 I think this relation could work out well! ESFJs prefer more 'rational' types. They also like status, so if you have something she can 'show off' to her friends, that's even better. Your both feelers, so that could get a little annoying for both of you. -- Anonymous
A11 There's a poll on which personality people dislike the most. ESFJ destroyed the competition with over 60% of the votes... It was mostly of their manipulative nature -- Anonymous
A12 a11 so true actually as a supposed "objective" personality, i must say out of the 16 personality types i can say i actually "hate" the esfj just by statistics alone. they are also so self-righteous even when they do "bad" and always justify themselves (with no apparent logic either). Personally i think they have a high ability to be narcissists -- Anonymous
A13 A11 & A12: Whoa now, type is type, people are people. I hope you guys are not gonna go out and assume that every person who happens to be ESFJ's gonna try to manipulate you. I know a couple of ESFJs in real life and they are really decent folks. When they help me, they mean it. -- Anonymous
A14 Honestly, considering relationships are equal parts personA and personB, make sure you really like each OTHER - ie: you are both willing to make each other feel important and loved by the other person...there is no "boss" in a good romantic relationship. That being said, as an ESFJ female myself, there really is a need for validation from my partner. Maybe I'm just an insecure person, or always needing to please, but compliments (even the same ones over and over) go a looooong way. Don't lie, lol, but the odd "you're pretty" and "I love you" go miles for our egos and reinforce how important we are to our partners. It's EXTREMELY illogical to need to hear it constantly (or routinely) but it's a weird quirk, but alas, it exists. Another thing that is a must for ESFJ's is talking things through.... Even to mundane levels of exhaustion. My darling ISTP husband will NEVER understand why venting is sometimes as much of the "fixing" process as the solution for a "feeler" vs. "thinking". I work very hard at reinforcing this idea when issues arise - usually by saying: "If you understand why I'm upset, I just need you to validate my feelings; when I want your opinion on how to fix my situation (ie: tell me what you think I should do), I'll let you know". Usually, I want to know his honest solution and thoughts in a matter of moments after my venting spree. **Usually, he gives me amazing, objective, advice that I can only wrap my head around after I've been listened to - sometimes upwards of 20 minutes. You'd be stunned how much ESFJ's need to hash and rehash things out before logic can even enter our thought process towards a legimate solution. I am very lucky my husband and I both actively communicate and work hard to accommodate each other's approach at "solving". Conversely, he has told me that my feeler's approach to situations has opened his eyes to how people who aren't as objective as he is look at situations. Indeed, he did not understand the rhetoric in "Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus" until he met me lol. Basically, my advice is to assert yourself, ask questions when you don't get her point of view, and respect yourself! If you respect your role in the relationship as much as you respect hers, stick to your guns if you really do or do not want to do something (trust me, she'll respect you more if you have a back bone when something matters to you), and make sure you both value your quirks and attributes, you'll have a wonderful friendship as well as a lover. Just my two cents after 8 years of happy commitment (2+ years married). -- Sounjirah
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com*
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