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| Question #1168433173 | Wednesday, 10-Jan-2007 |
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| I have a special friend who is an ENFP, special becase he is more than a friend to me, and I know that he cares about me, but he hasnt Told me how he feels about me. I havn't told him how I feel either, I just become to nervouse. So the question is, is it a good or bad idea for me to ask him, if he loves me. (we have meet each others families, and we have had some seriouse conversations about relationships, but never really interms of the two of us). -- INTP |
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| A19 I am an ENFP female, and found reading this very interesting. I have to agree with a lot of what was said about ENFPs. If an ENFP were in love with you, they probably would not make a move on you within the few days, to whoever suggested that. If I meet someone I think I really like from the start, I want to take things slowly, keep all my options open in case it's not the real deal. ENFPs just do not rush into things like this. So they may just act really friendly, and sincerely want to be friends, but not mean it in a deeper romantic way. Proximity is another big factor. I am much more likely to fall for people who are close by and are around regularly. I totally agree that if you take away the proximity, you take away the love-unless it's real Love for an ENFP. And real love must fit our idealistic view of the world. The person we love must feel like a sort of soulmate, although I hate using that word. We must feel that they complement us in some way, fit into the larger meaning and purpose of our life, and we must love them in an abstract way too, seeing how they fit our dreams/goals/vision. And once we develop feelings for someone, serious feelings beyond mere infatuation or proximity-related interest, it will probably take a while to make up our mind on how to act. We'll be debating forever with ourselves, and talking to our friends, about what to do. I personally am terrified of approaching a person and asking them directly, so my cop-out is having others do that for me. I know, it's bad. I feel hypocritical in having someone else do the dirty work for me, but it's much better that way than to risk having your feelings hurt in front of them. By the way, oftentimes other people will read my friendliness wrong, and interpret it as something beyond friendship. I have a gut feeling this happens to other ENFPs too. ENFPs can appear to love everyone and everything, but lasting love is really what we let affect our internal world of ideas/goals/dreams/feelings. -- ENFP |
| A20 Here's another perspective. ENFPs are terrified of any kind of commitment... any kind at all. WHen INTPs fall in love with someone, they are obsessively Hell bent to make it happen in a big, BIG way. Since ENFps are good at reading people, this comes across and it is paralyzingly scary... so although they may fantasize about the relationship potential between themselves and a love sick INTp, when it comes time to seal the deal, they choke, make ANY story they can think of, and make for it at full speed. I know about this because I'm an INTp, and I have the most beautiful ENFp in the world out there pining for me... which is so frusteratingly stupid because we love each other very much and have to act like we're just friends so she doesn't freak out. It's been going on for many years now, and I figured out it has no potential long ago, so I've become content to let her daydream about us while I see other people that aren't afraid of committed relationships... cuz it is what it is. (For anyone who thinks that sounds callous, believe me, she's had MANY chances and accommodations to help her come around.) But to bottom line it: if you're an INTp who wants to get with an ENFp... SNEAK UP ON THEM!!! You don't have to tell them you love them... because they can figure it out... just slowly work your way into it little by little. They'll come to value how important to you they are anyway, and come to love you to. Let them make the first mentioning of their feelings and then PLAY IT COOL so they have the security of feeling they can get out if they need to without hurting your feelings. (Which lets them, ironically, stay in longer.) Take my advice... because if you move too soon, it'll become an exhausting, drawn-out battle you can't win. They'll make it their mission in life to prove they don't love you, then chase you when they lose you, then prove they don't love you... etc, 'til you're ripping your hair out. And play it cool with their BS, for there will be lots of it. DON'T let it get to you... because it doesn't mean anything. But, I think the point that inspired me to write this is that an ENFP can totally have deep, obsessive feelings for you, and swear to their maker they don't. It doesn't mean what they say; it means that they need more space, and you need to play your cards close and persevere. Gee I hope that helped someone. -- Anonymous |
| A21 A20: This could very well apply to ESFps, too. -- Ezis (ESFp) |
A22 Naw, they never see it coming.  -- Same Guy |
| A23 A7- you are a GENIUS! Seriously, that was brilliant, and definitely helped me to see myself more clearly! -- An ENFP |
| A24 a20's experience matches my own experience with ENFps EXACTLY. disagree with a21 that ESFps are similar in this regard. they are more likely to be expressive as far as i can tell. ENFps seem almost always scared of commitment. if you want more attention from them, give them less. don't push for a relationship AT ALL. -- Anonymous |
| A25 a13....go for it. If he was willing to drive 5 hours to see you. That is very good proof of his desire to connect with you! We won't do that for just anyone. Also, even when drunk, we INTP's do not throw that phrase "I love you" around! He might be looking for more effort on your part to initiate contact since he may be thinking his ACTIONS have already proved his attraction to you. -- Anonymous |
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| A26 I'm an ENFP female. I suggest you ask him how he feels about you. We are the shyest of the extroverts, sort of an introvert extrovert - we take a while to warm up, but once we find someone fun at a gathering, we're crazy as! in a good way. It was interesting how someone said we appear all interested in someone than later will move on to someone else, so say at a party, and the first person feels hurt...well, that is just because we want to get to know everyone else as well. I've seen other ENFPs agree that for matters of love we can be really shy. We don't like telling a person when we like them, unless the other person says so first! So tell him you like him and he will then express his feelings easily and truly. People think we're flaky with relationships and are into you one minute then later disappear from your life...I think this can happen if we don't want to hurt your feelings, but something is bothering us about the relationship, and we can't tell you cause we don't want to hurt your feelings and the only thing to do is be distant. If you wanna date an ENFP, tell them first you like them, then you will have them telling you there every feeling about you. See, I never told anyone cause no one ever old me they liked me FIRST but now this guy has, so I told him exactly how I felt. We like romance and I don't know about other ENFPs but because we're slow to warm up - but when we do warm up we are sizzling, burning, that goes for sexuality. In a new relationship we want to know the person first, we want to fall in love and we want it to be fun...but also like all great romance stories in a way. We prefer going out and doing something fun like theme parks, clubs, concerts, etc, than staying in, watching a movie, having dinner...etc. Ask us deep questions. Answer our deep questions thoughtfully. I see that some people see us as silly flakes, as retards who just laugh all the time and live for fun, we kinda are but we are very philosophical so we're not really flaky. We have many interesting beliefs and things to talk about... -- Lulu |
| A27 I would tell him, because otherwise you'll always wonder what might have happened if you didn't. Obviously you'll need to find the right words and the right moment. I am an ENFP myself, and I am currently in the reverse situation as I have feelings for my INTP friend. I told him and unfortunately he doesn't feel the same way, but he dealt with it very well despite not being very emotionally sensitive at times. ENFP's are very emotionally intuitive so if you have feelings for an ENFP he might already have picked up on them and will probably know what to say and will definitely know how he feels, which is more than some people know! At least you will know where you are with him then. Hope that helps. -- Dave |
| A28 A26, and A27, Yes thank you I have told him I love him, and he has made it clear he only want's friendship....A20 well I definatly agree with what you are saying...I have gone so far as applying for a US green card lottery just to be closer to him. Problem is I have given him 5 years to figure out what he want's, if he hasn't figured it out by now, I must move on or live in a perpetual cycle of letting go, getting sucked into his world and getting my heart broken all over again. I know I can't do it anymore. I can no longer tell if he truly cares for me and just to scared or if this is all about his need for love and attention. (sorry if I sound cynical, I am just really trying to move on with my life, he still is and always will be my favorite person). A woman needs to be persued. -- Miss D, INTP |
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