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Question #1168132896Sunday, 7-Jan-2007
Category: INTj
Have there been any studies of INTJ's that had an abusive childhood ..leading up to the teen years? Are there any of you that have dealt with this? How has it impacted your life? -- ghostintheshell.jp AT gmail.com
Your Answers: 1+ 16+ 27+
A16 please when voicing your opinion, distinguish facts from opinion. I've noticed, as anyone with a discerning eye can, some people like controversy for the sake of stirring up the bee hive, they believe their own bull****! A fact is true or false but opinion is a matter of agreement and disagreement, the difference between them is similar to starting an argument and sharing an explanation. For example, I could start an argument with hasty conclusions like all crazy people have the quality of x, INTJ have the quality of x, therefore all INTJ are crazy; x represents breathing. Its indisputible logic and a fact but not entirely true and I definitely have not looked at all the facts. When I explain the relevancy of a lack of affection and love during my childhood and how that has negatively altered my sense of self-worth and has produced romantic rejection - no one is disputing that but they may disagree. I can think of exmamples of people who have been abused and turned out fine - they resisted! that's my best advice for dealing with abuse. -- Anonymous
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A17 A11 if you do a more thorough research on INTJs you will find that they are very senitive. The fact that they think a lot and use logic and rationalization for most things does not mean they don't feel or can't empathize. The issue is that they don't express it like the other types. You will also find that at home they are much more flexible and free than at work, school, or social settings. Also, they are committed to relationships and they take their responsibility to their partners and children very seriously. So, yes they are passionate, but they experience the emotion instead of telling everyone that they do. -- Anonymous
A18 I don't think abuse has anything to do with personality type. One cannot resist abuse. One must remember it and recognize it for what it is. This is harder than most people believe. To feel compassion for the child you once were. For most people a lot of abuse and trauma (including birth trauma) is repressed, and people feel guilty and ashamed and afraid. If they don't have a helping witness early on to show them that what they suffer isn't the only way, and that there is more love and caring and honesty and truth out there, then they will come to expect the worst, and will have difficulty functioning in our brutal disturbed world and society. We still live in a world of violence, emotional blindness, perversion, hypocrisy, irresponsibility, repression, oppression, greed, destructiveness, poisonous pedagogy, pollution, etc. Toxic and abusive child-rearing systems/patterns should not be tolerated, nor should spanking, etc. Most criminals, juvenile delinquents, etc. were extremely abused in their early childhoods, etc.; and their brains often have lesions from the early trauma. Of course this doesn't relativize their crimes, or their lack of consciousness, their unenlightenment. If they are a danger to society of course they should be isolated from society for whatever time is alotted, and if they are extreme offenders they should be kept in solitary confinement indefinitely. If they are an extreme danger to people, like murderers and/or rapists, and no one is willing to put them in jail due to corruption, etc. then there has to be a vigilante or someone who will exterminate them like they did with Ceausescu. We have been programmed since birth, or maybe before, to be used to the brutality and violence of delivery procedures and hospitals, parents, family, strangers, schools, etc. We must reflect on the price we pay for our blindness and dangerous sleep in the form of dictators, wars, crimes, bad health, pollution, chemicals, medications, etc. http://www.iraresoul.com/psychology_essays_p2.html#2.1 -- Anonymous
A19 A15's 100% wrong. -- Anonymous
A20 I am an INTJ and I do feel things with passion.I just do not act upon my feelings through passion but through what is logical. I believe I could easily be classified as a sociopath if I were to open up enough to anyone with the authority to make such a diagnosis. =) -- Anonymous
A21 During my childhood, my mother was preoccupied with my brain-damaged brother. My father was an alcoholic who looked toward me with awe and resentment. My mother would browbeat my father incessantly in a parent-child relationship; in hindsight, they should have divorced. She treated me as an equal; as early as at the age of eight, she would dump all her woes on me because she seemed to think that I understood. I was left to my own devices such preparing my own meals at as early as the age of five. I never had any restrictions but I did all the right things as far as my parents were concerned. As an INTj, I think that I would have felt confined if I were coddled or not given independence. Whether our parents' treatment of us creates our type or our type influences how our parents treat us constitutes a chicken-and-egg situation. I think it's a bit of both – an equilibrium has to evolve, else we wouldn't survive. -- Anonymous
A22 These responses are very interesting to read & A6's was especially touching -- Tricia (entp)
A23 I realised my mother was abusive. Its a common occurance within a broken home. Single mothers can not manage the home on their own. My mother threatened to abandon us. Basically an abusive mother can provide material support but can offer no emotional support. The long-term effects of abuse obviously recide in the psyche and basically without realising it I'm emotionally turburlent and inconsistent. I have low-confidence with women even though I have many attractive characteristics. The 'Maternal' figure is an emotional foundation and when that has been jeperdized that can lead to unnecessary grief. -- Anonymous
A24 I am a female INTJ. My mother singled me out of her children to be alternately abusive/neglectful towards. I think as a quiet, "inside my head" type of child I was an easy target. The sister just above me was her favorite child. This sister herself used to tease me at school and hold her friend's books while that friend would beat me up. Those events (exacerbated by already having the INTJ personality) have shaped me into feeling odd, abnormal and extremely unlovable. I think that the quiet, sensitive (and detached) nature of INTJ children makes them a convenient victim within their family. A stranger I would have rebelled against and reported. My mother doesn't remember her behavior. (Ironically, she does remember that my sister was mean to me while we were young.) NOW, my mother thinks 1: I am the smartest in the family; 2: The most talented. There is little reward though. I regret that I haven't been able to learn how to accept love or reciprocate love. -- Anonymous
A25 A15, you insinuate that INTjs are heartless/soulless/less than human. How dare you. My mother is an INTj. She has a very loving relationship with my father and she loves us, her children. Even though she grew up with a father who neglected her and who always wished that she had been a boy, she came through it all and learned to love properly. She has spent her parenting years trying to make sure that she did not make the same mistakes as her father, because she loves us and wants better for us than that. Certainly, she made some mistakes-all human beings do-but overall, she is a very good mother. She cooked home-made dinners for us nearly every day, and she encouraged us to develop our talents as dancers, artists, musicians, etc. She homeschooled us so that she could make sure she had quality time with us, so that we could have a close relationship with her. INTjs are most certainly able to love. -- INFj
A26 INTJ Female and Mother here. To A4- I have a 21 year old son, 18 year old daughter and 16 year old son. I have rules but am pretty agreeable to life choices if they are not illegal or hurt others. I have curfews and expectations for grades and contributing to chores at home. Minimal stuff as far as I am concerned. Ironically, they have ALL chafed at what they consider my "unreasonableness" wrt tatoos, piercings, smoking pot and underage drinking. I maintain that until they are independent and on their own it is only logical that they must follow the rules, or they can choose their own rules on their own. 2 have chosen to move in with their Dad who has no rules, is an alcoholic and could be defined as neglectful n that he doesn't care who they are with or where they go. That being said, I don't think our environment creates INTJ. Looking back on my youth I have ALWAYS been INTJ and was blessed to have relatively unemotional, logical parents. However, my poor INFJ sister only 2 years younger feels like her childhood was traumatic, and without love. To this day she is angry towards our parents and believes she was deprived of love and affection. She has lots of anger and resentment towards all of us. I felt like had a very loving, stable and supportive environment where I was allowed to pursue my intellectual and academic pursuits. I personally believe that INTJ's are pretty resilient because we don't have such a high need for emotional support and attention. WRT A15, I would almost have to agree with most of your statements except the last sentence. Almost 100 percent of those who meet me observe that I appear to have intense passion towards many things. I am extremely passionate towards things and people I deem of value. So it is very interesting to me that you assume that INTJs "never feel anything with any passion". As a matter of fact, in work writeups for raises and promotions, the word passion almost always is written to describe my zeal towards my work. And both men and women (friends and husband) describe me as intensely passionate. Are you sure you have met a real INTJ? -- Black Knight
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com*
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