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Question #1168132896Sunday, 7-Jan-2007
Category: INTj
Have there been any studies of INTJ's that had an abusive childhood ..leading up to the teen years? Are there any of you that have dealt with this? How has it impacted your life? -- AT
Your Answers: 1+ 16+ 27+
A1 i'm an infj and yes i've had a very abusive childhood..up to and through the teens. how has it impacted me you ask?? Where has it not is more the proper question.... ! I am extremely strong and resilient in defending my boundaries and my per sonhood. I have gained strength in God whom I have had to cry out to make sense of the madness, the caos and and insanity that has been my past. I am in that way deeply spiritual and in tune and aware to solid life truths that most human beings have no clue of whatsoever. I deeply love and am passion personified. -- kelly
A2 I too am an INFJ, and would duplicate what kelly says(A1). -- aj
A3 It is interesting to note that ghostintheshell asked about INTJ's but was answered by two claiming to be INFJ's. Given the overtly spiritual contents one cannot help but note the respondents's appearent preference for indicating that they are Socionics INFp's. In any case, presuming ghostintheshell also meant M-B INTJ (i.e. INTp) the pathological extreme of an INTp personality is someone who suffers from a schizotypal personality disorder, characterized by purposeful non-conformity and eccentric thinking. -- Anonymous
A4 I'm an INTJ (socionics and mbti) and I've had not so much a abusive childhood so much as an extremely neglectful childhood. Currently I'm 17 and waiting for my 18th birthday and highschool graduation to roll around so I can get out of this environment that I find depressing, unmotivating and extremely irritating. I do not have a curfew, my mother provides absolutely nothing that resembles a structured environment and she makes extremely stupid decisions, like squandering away all our money, she does not check my grades, she's an alcoholic, etc. things that leave me banging my head against a wall and wishing that I knew what the hell I'm going to do once I graduate since depression has caused my school grades to fall dramatically and being an only child with a useless mom, leaves me to wonder how I'm going to fair in the real world once I'm on my own. Despite all of this, I'm a good kid, I've never broken a law (with the exception of a toke and a drink, although I haven't touched either in several months) and don't go around looking to cause trouble or do typical, dumb teenage stuff. Most of the time I'm depressed and apathetic towards almost everything. My parents are divorced, and I stopped talking to my father because he cared far too much for his new happy family and did't give so much as a damn for his intelligent, albeit strange son who for the last time doesn't want to play any friggin' sports despite being forced to do so time and time again. So, like I said not exactly a Dad touched me and Mom beat the S&*# out of me scenario. But I suppose neglect is a form of abuse -- Goat
A5 Yes, neglect is very much a form abuse by American law. A3/Anon, that is but only one possibility. There is not enough input to know. -- Jadae
A6 A4, I'm also an INTj here and mbti. Your post was painful. I'm older than you (33), and age has softened my views towards my parents. But at 18 and for quite a few years more, I was full of very valid resentment (read: rage) towards both. They didn't directly attack me, but they were so absorbed in their own agendas (which regularly included fighting with each other) that they simply didn't have emotional space for me; whatever domestic energy they had was spent (or overspent) in maintaining a wrecked 'relationship'. The reason I'm posting isn't to feel sorry for myself or invite any of you to join me, it's actually because I wanted to share some advice with you - sometimes, advice from an anonymous total stranger can be more impactful; at least, this has been my experience, from time to time. So here goes: the lack of attention you've received, which I completely empathize with, has done damage. This is humilating to admit, because it in some ways, is a small measure of acceptance of what has happened. And when you accept, part of your rage transmutes into a deep sadness - and this is something that terrifies every INTj I've ever known, including me. Yet I urge you to accept what you can accept; or, at the very least, accept that damage has been done. With the energy that is released as a result of that acceptance (it will be proportionate to how much you can accept), I very strongly urge you to use it to be alert. You may do what I did, which is unconsciously carry around a 'desire for attention' and as such become enormously gullable - to the dismay of the stern INTJ bretheren - to the manipulation of others. I am NOT suggesting that you shouldn't trust - I'm simply saying that the damage that has been done to you has (likely) affected you in ways that you cannot articulate. And one way is that you may find yourself responding with emotional warmth (maybe even what you would define as love) to someone who simply gives you attention; who acknowledges you and, it may seem, supports you. This person/persons seems to fill the hole - however, if you are not alert, this can lead you into BIG TIME TROUBLE. I speak from personal experience. INTJs are "masterminds" in that they can turn ideas into pragmatic reality. And when other people realize this, they will turn to you for solutions. It's *essential* that you don't throw your ethical compass away because you being fed attention and support that you should have received from your parents. Always reflect what you're doing with your gut. If you feel a misalignment, then *something is wrong*. I'm sorry for being so dramatic here, but if I had read a post like this 10 years ago...nevermind. As for your future: you will make it, and you will be brilliant in any way that you want to, provided that you don't allow the rage within you to erode you. I suggest checking out Eckhart Tolle (an author and speaker). As for what to do with your life, why don't you go teach English somewhere? If I was 18 again, that's what I'd do! You can experience new people and new cultures, and find a 'gear' inside you that you probably didn't know existed - something that is not about competence, but about sharing energy. By helping other people "become smarter", you'll become wiser - which is what you want. It won't make you rich, but what you learn could be invaluable. If you need a loan to get the training you need, send an email to the admin and ask him to pass it on to me. Good luck. -- jason
A7 Interesting how you INTj's find that type of emotional neglect so hurtful. That makes major difference between you and me. I suppose my parents were the average in that type of emotional giving. But still I feel that they were too interested in me, and were too emotional towards me. And especially still are. Calling me every other week, and always asking me to come etc. And I'm 30. I'd rather have had those type of parents that compensate lack of love with money I didn't have a curfew even as small child, and was allowed to watch anything (except sex) from tv, sometimes ate only candy for dinner and so on. But I always thought that was just cool. -- INTp
A8 INTJ here and agree with A6. Here's a thought: perhaps emotional neglect *creates* an INTJ - who avoids emotions? And cannot process them well? Or perhaps our lack of sociability leads our parents to neglect us? (they are human after all). But in any case, yeah, watch out for women who will dump all their problems on you. Just b/c you *can* solve them doesn't mean you *should*. Make sure you get what you want out of the relationship before you take on extra burdens. If you do that, you can actually be very successful with the relationship, in my experience. -- Anonymous
A9 I wonder what makes an INTp? I would assume noticing that most "arguments/debates/discussions/etc." only result when people don't define their terms, don't recognize their differing first premises, or are out to scam one another. -- Anonymous
A10 INTJ-male I believe that are types in general are pushed towards our inclinations when confronted with such harrowing and writhing situations. As an INTJ......we would incline towards independence, regarding most as incompetent, and possibly getting in touch with our inferior F function. -- Anonymous
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A11 I am an INTJ and I had an emotionally incestuous mother, so the only space available was inside my head. My mother could not cope with her thoughts and feelings: perish the thought that I should have any myself. But whether this made me an INTJ or whether I responded as I did because I was an INTJ is hard to tell. But a typical INTJ, I avoid close relationships and have very strong boundaries I will never let people cross; I am a virgin at 44 and live in my own private world. However, that said, I go to work and people will tell you I'm kind and caring and thoughtful and intelligent. And I am. I've learnt to mimic 'normal' behviour. But don't try and get close to me or force me to express an opinion or emotion when I don't want to! -- Anonymous
A12 i can relate to A10. -- Anonymous
A13 @A11: What is "emotionally incestuous"? You mean like the mother of Norman Bates in Psycho? -- INTp
A14 That's really a helpful observation...INTJ's and neglect seem pretty common. Wow. Good luck in school A4, and because of your type you may very well be able to create a great life for yourself...hope that's an encouraging thought. -- Anonymous
A15 A11.."I've learnt to mimic normal behavior" I have always believed that sociopaths were INTJ's. In fact, they usually are. That does not make every INTJ a sociopath, but, I believe their inability to have empathy, genuine love, genuine compassion pushes them into being monsters. I do not understand how any of you ever succeed at connecting to another human in any true capacity. How very sad for you that you never feel anything with any passion. -- Anonymous
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of*
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