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Question #1160689177Thursday, 12-Oct-2006
Category: INTp ENFp Relationship Dating Intertype Relations
From a general perspective, how likely are romantic relations to survive between illusionary partners? More specifically, how would an INTp and an ENFp likely get on in a romantic relationship? -- BLauritson
Your Answers: 1+ 15+
A1 Well, I'm too lazy to look up what "type" of relationship that would be, so I'm gonna wing it. I have not actually dated this ENFP guy (I'm INTP), only becuase I'm slightly more into his best friend. But I think he would be a great match for me. We'd have tons of fun, we're both laid-back and flexible, and he seems to be able to read me better that anyone else I know. I think...try it out and don't worry about this socionics stuff because I don't really beleive that my "dual" (I've met some ESFP's) would ever ever ever be the kind of person I'd like to marry. How would they get into a romantic relationship? Don't know, sorry on that point. -- observer84
A2 Thanks for your response. It's illusionary relations by the way. Yeah, the only reason I asked is I've mostly been into ENFp girls in the past, although I've never dated one before, and the description of illusionary relations on this site has never seemed overly optimistic to me, hence my concern. Thanks again for the response anyway, it's cleared up that confusion for me. -- BLauritson
A3 If your expectations are for an emotional connection, mutual admiration and support, it can run very deep. But illusionary relations can feel like spending time with your partner is (unintentionally and peaceably!) holding you back from growing and achieving personal goals. At least, that has been my experience with two longterm (years) illusionary relationships - one romantic (almost married), one professional. -- anonymous
A4 I am an INTP female and I am in a long distance relationship with an ENFP male, (3 years and counting). Will we every get married, only time will tell. The trouble comes in comunicating what we want from the relationship, without each other missunderstanding each others intention. We have come a long way though, and we have had some help from friends and relatives. I think any realtionship can survive if you have the will. Things like mutual goals, attraction, etc. Will help too. -- D
A5 INTp girls don't take ENFp guys flirting too seriously. They flirt with everyone just to keep in practice, it doesn't mean that they want serious relantionship with everyone they flirt with or have "tons of fun". Also they are often interested in short term relationships, because they can get bored easily, and switch to another girl. I'm not saying it couldn't work, if both have serious intent. It's difficult to see what the ENFp guy is really after, especially for an INTp. I'm a guy who has ENFp friends. One of my ENFp friends best childhood friend broke ties with him, because he finally got fed up with the ENFp guys womanising. -- Anonymous
A6 I recently met this girl. She is an ENFP and I am an INTP. It was crazy because we clicked like instantly. I have never talked so much to anyone about anything. I usually hate talking to people about things they find interesting. Yeah, she is alot more affectionate than me, but I like it and maybe even if it doesnt work out, I might be better prepared for the next girl that comes around. I dont know how, but the last couple years I have been into charming the pants off all the girls that I find attractive. I thinks it is an aquired skill because in high school I didnt talk enough to meet anyone. She actually makes me want to get back to myself again. I guess I was tired of they way alot of other girls have been the past couple years. However, I doubt I can hold her attention much longer. I am in Iraq and I think they need to have someone around all the time. It has been going good for about 2 months so we will see. I even told her to go... I guess her attraction to me is stronger than I realize. -- Martin
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A7 I'm an ENFP female. I love INTPs, I am attracted to their intelligence and humour, but over the long term I think I'd feel understimulated by one. It would work with tons of natural chemistry, but for me it wouldn't be the sort of love to overcome all obstacles, which is bad, because I think that's what ENFPs want. But that's my personal perspective...type or no type, we're all different. -- Dreaming One, ENFP
A8 I'm an INTP, and one of my best friends is ENTP. I can say that if he weren't bisexual with a preference for men, we'd probably get along great in a relationship. I would have to be willing to accept the fact that I'm not enough entertainment for him. He's truly the only person I've met so far that actually understands me, and even though we disagree on many things, I find it great that at least he gets what I mean. I am definitely not enough stimulus for him, and he has a vast network of friends that he is always calling upon for entertainment. It used to annoy me, but I suppose it's just what he needs. He's loyal at least. -- INTP female... notcreativenough
A9 I'm an INTP guy, and I've never had a relationship last over 2 months, it just doesn't seem to ever work out long term. I'm always sexually attracted to the girls i go out with (obviously) but i never feel love for them nor do I think I ever will . Is there a certain type I should go for or am I just doomed. -- J
A10 I'm an INTP woman who has been in a serious relationship with an ENFP for over two years. He has been an amazing teacher and partner for me, helping me with my emotions and understanding myself better. For a while, I got locked into being hardcore INTP, but he helped me step outside my boundaries and blur the lines a little bit. It was love at first sight (gasp! did an INTP actually just use that term? Yes, so get over it). In the beginning, it was a passionate, whirlwind romance that hit a few snags once the newness wore off. But we talked about what we wanted from the relationship and knew that we wanted to continue working at it. Today, I can't even tell you how great and how deep our relationship is. Yeah, there are problems and no one is 100% compatible, but, I think the key reason we have fit so well together for so long is change. Everything is always moving in our relationship. If it got stagnant (and it has a few times), both of us tend to get very distant and moody. -- Anonymous
A11 ENTP and INFP are illusory partners, right? i'm an ENTP semi-involved with this INFP person. we share so many interests in common yet i find him a bit too sweet, too nice, and too idealistic. inasmuch as he has professed admiration (he just said that i'm one of the strongest people he knows) and i find his sweet nature extremely endearing, a fellow ENTP friend gave her fearless forecast that i'll find all the sweetness suffocating in the end. however, i really want to make things work between both of us. -- Anonymous
A12 hello. i'm an intp, and have had two in-depth experiences with enfp (illusory partner). i don't think there's a more challenging 'problem' to articulate than the this, so please bear with me. in one way, the term 'illusory' used here by socionics is misleading, because most will equate this with 'false' or, to use a much more sophisiticated and appropriate psychoanalytical term, 'bull****.' yet in another way, there term 'illusory' is *perfect*, because this is the potential (repeat: potential!) deception in these relationships. they simply SEEM to be closer than they are. i don't think this is because either person is actively attempting to manipulate the other and maintain a pseudo-relationship - and THIS is where the problem lies. illusory relationships fall into rhythm very, very easily. too easily. it's like hearing a song from your favourite band - it's a new song and you know it's new, but you also know that you know the band and you start plugging into it emotionally as the song unfolds. it's new, and yet, familiar, accepted, and appreciated. the problem is that because these relationships get into a groove so pleasantly and swiftly, both parties (at least in my experience) kind of...hmmmm. the sports term for this is 'taking the night off' - when a player just tunes out for a game and just doesn't 'bring it'. nobody can define what 'it' is, but 'it' matters and performers, opponents and spectators seem to know, innately, what 'it' is. in my experiences, illusory partners pretty much take the entire relationship off - because it comes so easily. the other person IS interested in what you say and the way you see things. You ARE interested in what the other person says and how they see the world. it's natural, seamless - and it's just too easy. it happens too fast. and so, again, partners start to take the relationship off. they don't bring their "a game" to the relationship - they don't have to. and, hillariously (or tragically i suppose), this further makes both parties want the relationship to continue, because it's the "cool breeze" relationship. and so people maintain them far longer than they typically would otherwise endure, because they stand out in comparison to other relationships (i would speculate here that many of the 'emotional affairs' people have at work is with their illusory partner, because of what i'm babbling on about here). and yet because of this automatic 'pleasantness', in my experiences, both parties always hold something back. they don't actually reveal a portion of themselves to their partner, because there is absolutely no need to - the groove was set too early, and there is a rejected part that never makes it on stage. that's why, i think, illusory partners never get anything done! because while they like and may even love the other, they don't bring their entire selves to the relationship - and yet it *seems* like they do, because the relationship is so pleasant! It's like winning the lottery at 18 and wondering why people make so much noise about money. it just comes too easy - and it leaves people under-developed and retarted in some ways. compare this to dual partners, which often DO bring conflict and unease to the relationship - which is actually very good! that friction and grit can compel each partner to get out of their comfort zone and develop/integrate. illusory partners are always in too much control of themselves - not the other - to get out of that zone. (i have no idea how long this is...probably good that i don't!). -- jason
A13 so many ENFP/INTP pairs is odd. maybe ur INTP/ENFJ types or ISTP/ENFP types and don't know it. -- Anonymous
A14 A13, it doesn't sound like any of them have had Dual relations, it doesn't sound like they're satisfying each others' *needs*, they're just experiencing mutual growth and fun. -- Anonymous
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com*
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