| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1160162831 | Friday, 6-Oct-2006 |
|
|
| I'm an INTP and really into an ISFP guy. He likes me, too, and we definately have chemistry. The problem is we don't understand eachother and being introverts, have difficulty expressing ourselves. I'm frustrated because he doesn't seem to know how to "meet me half way" or is just unwilling to make himself vulnerable? In a word, he's chicken-****. I'm really afraid that even though we are attracted to eachother, it would never work. Thoughts? -- observer84 |
Your Answers: 1+ |
| A1 Ohhh, introverts can be extraordinarily expressive. ANY guy who's interested in someone enough will pursue her, regardless of his own type - INTps, ENTjs, INTjs, you name it - even if he claims a contrary philosophy (as I've seen some contradict themselves before and "act out of character", given the "right" person and circumstances). So don't push it. Give it time. Enjoy whatever relationship you do have now. Time will reveal what may or may not develop. Just keep in mind that you can't build a lasting relationship on mere chemistry. Incidentally, I know of a married Super-Ego couple, but it's still a young relationship. They have tons of important, non-personality-related strengths going for their union to ensure success. -- anonymous74 |
| A2 As introverted guy (INTp), I say that the above statement is false. No matter how "interested" I'm about someone, I'm not willing do anything the other person hasn't already initiated, unless I'm 100% sure of my chances. And my advice is the exact opposite, push it hard, but step-by-step. At some point the ice will have to break, and he will "meet you all the way". As ISFp, he waits for certain display of affection from your side. Maybe he has tried, but you have missed it, and he intrepreted it as if you are not intrested. The problem is that you both are "chicken****s", not just him. For both types the problem is forming the relationship, not sustaining one. Go for it. -- Anonymous |
| A3 Ha! That made me laugh A2. Yes, I too am chicken-****. And thanks for the advice. He is into me and has met me halfway on a few occasions, I find I only need to show up on his radar and his actions show me he cares. I wouldn't call him my boyfriend, but whatever it is, it's a good thing. -- observer84 |
A4 observer84, any update?  ) -- anonymous |
| A5 Yeah. We are friends with benefits. He said early on he didn't want a relationship (or in his words "isn't good at relatioships"), which is pretty much the equivalent of a girl giving a guy the "just friends" speech. The only difference being that a guy will still want sex. Ha! Actually, I am having a blast to be honest! No strings, no obligations, no expectations, hell yeah I'm young and wanna be free! Anyway I just hope that my sleeping with him won't blind me from getting to know someone I can love who will love me back as much. -- Anonymous |
| A6 Little bit out of topic - I am not a native speaker, what does "chicken-****" mean? -- Ezis |
| A7 chicken-**** = not bold (to put it politely) http://www.answers.com/topic/chicken**** Ezis, next time you see phrases that you dont'understand, go to "google" and type definition plus the phrase. -- Anonymous |
|
|
| A8 I just don't think that s types can "get" n types in the way they need to, in order for a romantic relationship to be fulfilling for both of you. I too am an intp, and I dated many isfp guys thinking they were n types. Here is a scenario I was faced with every time. I would say something brilliant to him, and he would seem like he was hanging on to every word. I would then ask what he thought of what I was saying, and he would reply with something like. "I really like the way your mouth moves when you talk." -- Oxalis Deppei |
| A9 You're right A8. The whole time we were friends with benefits, he thought I was his girlfriend. We never discussed a single issue and he never called me. We never hung out other than hooking up after the bars closed (1 or 2 a month). Then he found out I hooked up with someone else one night and flipped out. Now I find out he did have strong feelings for me. We don't talk (or sleep together) anymore. I'm sad. -- observer84 |
| A10 Right away when you say he's "not bold" it's a safe bet based on what you described that you're pushing him away. ISFps in my opinion won't tell you that they need to operate on their own timetable and do things their own way, but they really do need their space and their own way of being. I have found that just letting ISFps sort out their feelings might encourage them to like you or be friends with you, and it might not, but in this case the harder you try to "make" the person like you or be friends the farther away they'll wander, at least in their head (if not physically as well). -- econdude |
| A11 In reference to A8, it just sounds like the guy wasnt interested in your briliant mind. Super-ego partners are more interesed in there own point of view than there partners. -- Anonymous |
| A12 My interpretation of this is that the INTp's "chicken-****" talk like "I'm not good at relationships (subtext: let's just be friends and get it on!)" is boilerplate. I'm 98% sure that an INTp who would admit this to you is bluffing. Not that he's not chicken-**** or especially good at relationships; he's just showing you his H.A., and he won't trust you unless you can see past the insecurity. INTps are quite self-confident people once they know what they're doing (or who they're dealing with) so I'd encourage you to see that. Unfortunately, since it's a Super-Ego relationship, it's entirely possible that you won't. A11 noted the reason. I talk to an INTp friend of mine about this kind of thing and we're not too different. My advice is to listen to what he says but try to keep in mind what you know about him, the kind of person he is, and try to understand that if you were just some girl he'd definitely never say anything. He doesn't want to be hurt, but if he is hurt it'll be more of a Te than Ni thing where he believes he should have known better. Know *that*. INTps are quite self-confident people once they know who or what they're dealing with, so give it time. Not that any right-minded ISFp would take advice from their conflicting type... -- ENTj |
| A13 A9 its still not too late to talk, and now that the dust is settled, knowing intp's he is probably waiting on you to make the first move, so go on an bang his brains out for him! -- An ISTp |
| A14 So true A13! And A12 keep in mind that I'm INTP and he's ISFP. The dust has settled and we are back to being friends with benefits and obviously a lot of mutual feelings, even though they might not always be put into words. I'm not sad anymore. -- Anonymous |
| *Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com* |
Page 1 |
| Would you like to add anything? |
(
