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Question #1160071462Thursday, 5-Oct-2006
Category: ESFj ISTj Relationship
I am an esfj female dating an istj male. We share similar interests, however I am finding that he is quite controlling and does not listen to any alternative points of view I put across. Are there any successful istj/esfj partnerships out there? -- khenry
Your Answers: 1+ 18+
A18 For A16 I was is the exact same situation with an ISTJ. I am an ESFJ. He ended up leaving me without an explanation the second time. I finally e-mailed him (the only way he liked to communicate) and he said that he didn't want to commit and didn't see a win-win so he walked away. Even if I had agreed to be intimate with him the second time we were together, I don't think he would have stayed. Apparently he see's a lot of women and is not open about it. Reading what you have written shocked me as it was exactly like our situation and it made me wonder if you were talking about him. Too strange. I wouldn't do anything you don't feel comfortable with as he can't feel what you do. As the man I was with told me, "stay in the moment," doesn't work for an ESFJ. We're not that shallow. Good luck. -- Anonymous
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A19 i m a ESFJ and hes was ISTJ , did nt work 3 times he ended it, 3 times he came back to me saying things would change he never listened he was always right would nt make plans and wanted to live for the moment very selfcentred -- lynne
A20 I am an esfj woman married to an istj male for 4 years and we are happy. I agree with the person above who appreciates the efforts her istj hubby makes. Appreciation for each others efforts is key. Also I look at the 5 love languages and see how my mate shows love, may be different than me, but the effort is there. I find my istj to be rational when I am emotional and I cherish that. -- Anonymous
A21 I am an esfj woman married to an istj male for 4 years and we are happy. I agree with the person above who appreciates the efforts her istj hubby makes. Appreciation for each others efforts is key. Also I look at the 5 love languages and see how my mate shows love, may be different than me, but the effort is there. I find my istj to be rational when I am emotional and I cherish that. -- Anonymous
A22 I am an ESFJ woman. I love my ISTJ man. Loving his great aspects and learning about his introverted ones are key. He does need quiet time to unwind. After he recharges, we have quality time. You gotta learn what you are dealing with and bring out the best in him. -- Anonymous
A23 Wow, I find it so strange how there are actually so many relationships of the ESFJ/ISTJ combination. My mom is an ESFJ, and my dad is an ISTJ. They've been married 18 years and it's been quite a roller coaster. They've had their fair share of fights... While my dad can be more verbally aggressive, my mother will smash things and try to show physical dominance. I'm an INFP according to socionics, but MBTI keeps saying I'm an INFJ, so you can imagine how straining that kind of environment was on such an emotionally fragile kid. All I can say is that no matter how many fights, or even how bad the fights have gotten over the years, they almost feel like they belong together. I couldn't imagine anyone else being able to handle them as well as they are able to handle each other. So yes, as long as you're willing to put in effort, which both of these types usually are, this is a great match. -- INFP
A24 I am an ESFJ and my husband of 6 years is an ISTJ. We have a loving, sharing relationship where we are both very comfortable being vulnerable with each other. On most things he doesn't care about the decision so I make them. On the things he does care about I respect his opinion and go with what he wants. This has worked well up until now but it might be more of a problem when our children (currently 3 and 4) get older and we both have strong different opinions. Being intimate involves me talking about my feelings and both of us being close to each other. He loves me and even though my feelings and reasoning are very different from what he would think or feel I am very important to him. What I think and feel matters to him and affects the hard concretes of his world. I think this thread understands is that people can be different personality types, yes. I think it misses that not everything comes down to personality types and people can a$%eholes. Don't make personality type based excuses for them. If you don't like the way you are being treated once you have attempted to address this then walk away. If you put up with someone treating you badly then you wont be able to find something better for yourself. -- Emily
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