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Question #1157392205Monday, 4-Sep-2006
Category: ENFp INTj Relationship ADD/ADHD
Could you please explain to me what the relation between an ENFp and an INTj would be like? -- Rebekah
Your Answers: 1+ 15+ 30+
A30 It depends on the individuals. If the pursuit is romance; and the two are fairly mature and wanting to be understanding of one another, then, I believe it will be a great relationship, with of course, a healthy dose of debate and intense inter-cohesion of personality traits. If it is a platonic friendship or perhaps a work situation, things can become more problematic if the two are at odds with each others personality traits. Which, they most likely will be, INTJ will frequently see ENFP as inconclusive, illogical, and generally childish; therefore in need of their frequently self-conceived "steady-logical hand of guidance". While well intentioned, the authoritative, cold, logical, impersonal, and efficiently-minded solutions of the INTJ will be received as either personally or generally insulting and inflexible by most ENFP's. Contrarily, ENFP being the social-bastion of salvation they frequently end up becoming, will attempt with (little success) to offer "help" to the INTJ in the form of offering advice that makes perfect sense to the adaptive and instinctual nature of the ENFP, but, will frequently be seen as at least partially insufficient to the no doubt, partially confused INTJ (Tending towards the over-literal in aural perception, the literal-sounding metaphors and phrasing of the ENFP will be a difficult roadblock for them to overcome, particularly if the INTJ in question is socially inept and or challenged, which, many INTJ are unfortunately, frequently rendering most colloquialisms to be utilized with more verbal precision by the ENFP, lest, a plausible tangent argument pursue). How do I know this? I'm an ENFP, with an INTJ friend. And most other INTJ's I've interacted with. Same. Thing. Almost every time. -- Marty/ENFP
A31 The relationships that I've had with ENFp have been pleasant and conflict free with a lot of initial chemistry. However, I've never lived with one and would not want to do so because all had elements of parent-child relationships from the start and our directions in life were fundamentally divergent. INTj and ENFp tend to be islands onto themselves. -- I/O
A32 A29, look at them and see for yourself. -- A27
A33 I am an INTJ woman in a relationship with an ENFP woman. My description of our relationship would have to be fiery. Whether we're in tune with each other or in total conflict it is never mild. I go between finding it fulfilling and frustrating. I can't predict the outcome - she overwhelms me with her need for constant reassurance and her emotional outbursts and I frustrate her with my need for space and quiet reflection. What I can say is it's been one hell of a ride and I've learned a lot about myself and interacting with others. It does not, however, leave me with the peace I need to plan global domination or her the support and validation required to heal humanity. Like I said, it switches between fulfillment and frustration. -- Anonymous
A34 My sister and boss are both ENFPs and I'm an INTJ. I feel I may never meet their moral standards that I agree with, but don't always match. I also have a hard time trusting my boss' over-positiveness toward me. I feel they both may love me to my face and complain to others about me. I never know exactly how close we are. -- Anonymous
A35 Never been in a relationship with an ENFP per se but as an INTJ I would say that relations of supervision aptly describes the relations between the two types. At best ENFP can be very helpful in supporting the growth of an INTJ's ego due to the inherent imbalance in the relations. I felt these relations even between me (in my 20's) and an ENFP in his 60's... Even though I tried to show respect for him as an elder... -- IINTJanon
A36 I wonder if the imbalance between the intj and the enfp really has to do with the enfp's tendency to be too mushy or sweet. it's true, we're not naturally rational (enfps) so i think that when we do try to be organized, we're pretty mean, and this interferes with our hopes that people will think that we're nice, and also with our desire to like our environments. So, I mean when we start taking the world seriously, and everyone around us seriously, we realize how fake and stupid most people are. Or is that just me? Recently, when I stopped trying to get people to like me because I was on the verge of cutting all ties with family, I had to really focus on myself and not on screwing around, my personality slowly changed to being extremely serious and polite, kind of like for business reasons. I've been staying away from just up and blowing off all my energy going out and meeting people, and am kind of living like a hermit, and when I do see people when I'm in the middle of studying or on my way to class, I get antsy if the conversation is boring, or pointless, but at the same time I don't want to be super obnoxious and joking around like I used to, because it feels kind of clownish now to just be so "easy"? Well, at least that is how it seems to me is an immature enfp problem, which is being wanting instant gratification all the time, and wanting to like every single facet of life for every single waking second, whether it be talking to others, or daydreaming or eating and so we act kind of "easy" in an overly friendly way, or overly wanting of reassurance way because we can't just sit still with our reality? enfps can be some of the most delusional types. on the other hand, i think our supervisee the isfj is actually really really smart in how they interact on a daily basis. the thing with enfps, and i know this because i am one, is that we really fear intimacy, and forego it by running around away from really being in touch with people and concerned with being delusionally optimistic about the future. i think if we were more pessimistic about the future, we'd be more realistic about the people in our lives and would be more detail-oriented, and would be more narrow minded which is good for us to build character. Then maybe we could be with an intj who is more practical and also interesting. The only problem here is that maybe when the enfp reaches maturity we are better suited with our dual istp. But who would love us more? an istp or an intj? me, i just want to be with someone who is romantic, intelligent, attractive and responsible, which would ideally lead to a passionate and stable partnership. is that too much to ask for? -- enfp
A37 My ex-husband was INTJ. I am ENFP. I went through my marriage thinking he didn't really love me. He was a military man (so far from computer nerd lol). After the marriage crumbled I learned about mbti...and I saw that he was the man from me if I could have just realized how i misinterpreted his actions. However, I found an INFJ (unintentionally) and he really emotionally protects my fragile heart. ) So yes INTJs can be a perfect match with effort for an ENFP; however a natural match without too much effort is better with ENFP and INFJ -- Anonymous
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A38 I'm an ENFP - my best friend and my brother (probably the two closest people in my life) are INTJs and I love them! I think I bring a certain unpredictability that they appreciate, although I do feel like a little sibling to both sometimes. Too be fair, I am a little sibling in one of those cases. But yes, these relationships can be very fun and enjoyable! We feel very comfortable being goofy, as well. -- Anonymous
A39 I get the feeling that half of these responses are MBTI INTJ-ENFP and not INTj-ENFp. -- Anonymous
A40 I met an INTJ at a University party. He was leaning against the wall in the classic way with paint of beer in his hand. I was in the middle of a crowd of female friends act as a sort of cheer leader. He had a reputation for being a bit of a geek on campus but also someone that people seemed to say admiring things about behind his back. I'd had too much to drink so I boldly went up to him and said something like: 'people say you have a big picture in your head about the future that stops you enjoying the present'. To my surprise he smiled and the next think I knew we were in a taxi back to his place. There we just talked and talked. 12 months later were were married. He went to the States but I had to finish my medical degree - so we had a long distance relationship which I thought was OK. Its just that when I eventually joined him, he was completely obsessed with this new idea he had. It (and still is) something really important that I admire him for, but I felt rejected. While we had been dating he seemed to thrive on me taking him out and showing him the Town now his focus was on his work. We had arguments and - as predicted the relationship fell into one of him dictating what we did together. It seems a terrible story now that I write it down but I have to say, I still loved being with him and him with me. There were still enough good things for me to redesign my life. I got my MD exams in the States and set up a Clinic for people without health care. He loved and admired that and was incredibly supportive. But I had affairs - unbeknown to him. It was a sort of compensation for the fun that was missing between us. Roll forward twenty five years (Yes this is not a young person but someone in her late fifties writing). We are still together; we have three lovely grown up kids and now we are faced wit the biggest decision of our lives - should accept an overseas posting to a remote place where he has been asked to put into practice his big idea and I have been promised a new clinic to run. Or should this be the time to make a break. I think it will be the former because i see in him glimmers of sensitivity that his horrendous childhood suppressed in him. I am an optimist and I like a challenge so i think perhaps this change will be the event that allows these softer sides to his personality to emerge. Should I go or should I stay? -- Elizabeth
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