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Question #1157392205Monday, 4-Sep-2006
Category: ENFp INTj Relationship ADD/ADHD
Could you please explain to me what the relation between an ENFp and an INTj would be like? -- Rebekah
Your Answers: 1+ 15+ 30+
A1 Sure. Here it is in two words. It's CRAZY! That's right. I have a very good friend who is a ENFP. As usual in this type, they are openly enthusiastic and friendly. We are employees at a retail/produce store, and as it is his uncle's shop, he was the manager (hmmm.... a manager?). Anyways, once he had to make a decision, that could change certain future trends. After seeing that he was hesitating, I took a step forward, and proposed the perfect idea. And after that we had lunch together (no, we did not fall in love), and I learned about his aspirations. He wants to be a DJ and was asking rhetorically for any knowledge about that issue. And that's where I interrupted him and provided him with a few steps, and explained what and how each of them might help him. It's been 8 months, and well, we are learning from each other. I offer him knowledge on all kinds of things (from DJ'ing to being a entrapaneur), while he gives me info about dating women. And this story will end with everybody being happy ever after As far as I see, we constantly have something to talk about. But at the end of the day, it's just fun to be around a person who is suffering from ADD. (Most ENFP's are ADD sufferers, they probably zonked out, just reading this comment.) But I must warn any ENFP's to listen to INTJ's, or do your best to, because when you don't it's very annoying. And yeah, sometimes, just sometimes, leave the ENFP alone. The End -- Abdul G
A2 It's painfull. MBTI theory is not socionics, so INTJ might or might not be INTj, same goes for ENFP. But socionics INTj and ENFp relationship will probably be painfull. The ENFp will feel like INTj is steping on he's/her foot and does nothing but finds constantly new ways to critisize every minor detail ENFp does. ENFp feels that no matter what he or she does, INTj will still not accept it. INTj doesn't understand why ENFp overacts, he doesn't concider he's critics to be painfull, so he or she will do it further. So this nice relatshionship (friendship;love;co-working etc) will turn into killing nerves for ENFp as it is asymetrical. The end of the fairy tale! Hoping it to be a dream relaitonship is just an empty fantasy. -- blah!
A3 I disagree with the last post. I'm an INTj who's in a relationship with an ENFp. We have our disagreements, of course. But, although what the last poster described has some merit, the only potential disaster will be the INTj's fault. What you wrote just sounds like a rehashed version of the Supervisor/Supervisee positions. I agree on some levels it does exist- not to that magnitude, though. Developing our communication and understanding has created a intense and comfortable relationship for us. After a while you learn how to approach the ENFp with criticism, blending in love and support to reach a mutual goal. My ENFp girlfriend is amazing. She's incredibly supportive of me, and really does put up with a lot of my **** (I was dealing with some harsh depression among other things). For a while I used to take her jokes far too literally... That's one thing I learned. If an ENFp says something that's possibly offensive, pass it off. If she persists and gets angry, well then start considering it. I've also used this same attitude to criticize her...I'm playful about it. Instead of coldly criticism, I poke fun at her. She absorbs it. And yeah, my ENFp has ADHD... ****ing **** it can get on my nerves. I had to almost train her to understand a phone call with me does not involve 50,000 other people, events, and conversations. -- Anonymous
A4 A resounding yes to A2, especially if INTj works for ENFp and they have to work any projects together in detail. It's a highly unproductive combination, just like the relations of Supervision model claims. -- anonymous
A5 I'm an ENFP and have dated only INTJs and INTPs. This combination works well for a few reasons: while ENFPs have tendency to get distracted and restless and indecisive, INTJ keeps them on-track by providing stability and their thorough, well-thought out point of view. In return, the ENFP provides excitement and spontaneity to the relationship, which the INTJ gladly welcomes and appreciates (which pleases the ENFP). However, problems may arise when the couple is in conflict. ENFP finds it dificult to approach conflict and tends to feel personally attacked when the INTJ is simply trying to assess the situation objectively and/or express his thoughts/feelings. INTJ should learn to phrase criticism carefully and present in a playful, less serious manner. ENFP should learn to view disagreements or subsequent discussions as productive opportunity to exchange thoughts and take an objective stance than a defensive one. This couple will teach each other things and counter-balance one another due to their obvious differences. A more practical point of conflict may arise due to the ENFP's lack of organization and tendency to throw things in random places, while the INTJ prefers a structured lifestyle, with things in proper locations. This should be solved with compromise. -- jenimal
A6 a lot of ENFPs welcome criticism. the problem is, the person giving it needs to make sure to show that, where there are problems, they can be fixed with out too much work, and result in something exciting. if the ENFP feels that the INTJ likes them as a person, they'd most likely love to have some advice. -- Anonymous
A7 INTJ's and ENFP's as the perfect match? I think it's case specific. I have been in a relationship with an INTJ for months now, and even though it's painfully obvious there is no future - he criticizes me and I martyr myself before him - it has been wretched trying to get out of the relationship. I wish there were more information about how to end an ENFP-INTJ relationship. -- Anonymous
A8 Wow, I'm an ENFP who's friends with an INTJ and it's more the mutual mentoring that has been described above and on another MBTI website. (Actually I'm the critical one and more bossy.) And it has proved very productive in practical ways. -- Tiggy
A9 I've gathered on the internet regarding INTJ/ENFP relationships and more than half seem to be awful despite others telling them that it's an ideal relationship. I'm very skeptical of people like "A2" claiming to be an INTJ. Personally I feel that if ENFPs were to seek out someone introverted like an ISTP or to a lesser extent INFJ would work better for the ENFP personality. INTJs otherwise would refute this but they can't back up their logic. Think about it ENFPs, would you rather be with a spontaneous ready for danger ISTP, healer and saver of the earth INFJ, or a INTJ computer, think Clippy from Microsoft Office. -- Anonymous
A10 Soulmates. It really works for some people. -- Anonymous
A11 hey, i object to the "A9" comment about INTJs being computers. i will admit that i have a tendency to anaylize every situation, but other INTJs & myself have feelings too, although we may have a more difficult time expressing them to others. think before you write something that downplays the humanity of an individual please. anyways, i'm an INTJ female currently in a relationship with an ENFP male. we're both 17 and have been together for 6 months. there are some key differences between us two (ex. his sensitivity & my tendency towards frankness), but surpisingly enough, there is very little conflict between the two of us. i'm not sure why he's drawn to me, but i love his high energy, his intelligence, and his humor. neither of us has ever been in a relationship before, so this is a learning experience for the both of us. but, the two of us truly feel that we are in love. we take care of each other & i don't know how he feels, but being with him brings out the best in me. it makes me want to be a better person. this relationship is an inspirational one for the both of us. there is room for growth, the best part being that we're doing the growing together. -- Anonymous
A12 I am a Female 2o year old ENFP. I learned, sadly through a lot of dating and failed relationships what kind of man I was looking for, I found that one of my best friends was quit a match for me. A 23 year old INTJ. We think very differently and come from very different points of view but uncannily come to the same conclusion in almost everything. I love learning how he thinks, it makes sense to me, easy for me to understand, yet very different from my own thinking. At times we communicate so well, words are not needed, he has such logical and consistent thinking that I can count on him to contain my inconsistency. We have so much fun together, I know how to get him out of his shell and find his goofy side. We are deeply in love, everyone around can see we bring out the best in each other, we have our disagreements and misunderstandings, but if you ask me, ENFP and INTJ is a match made in heaven! -- Savannah
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A13 I think the ENFP-INTJ relationship compatibility, whether friendship or romantic, has a lot to do with the maturity of both people and how 'well developed' they are as individuals. I previously dated an INTJ and called it off because of a big age difference. But many years later he's one of my best friends and we talk on the phone for hours. He had taken the time to improve his communication and relationship skills and is quite self aware, which I think has been key to our ongoing friendship. I subsequently dated another INTJ much closer to my age and it was a disaster. I felt heavily criticized and he couldn't handle my more emotive side. He slowly withdrew from the relationship, without letting me know overtly and while keeping a smile on his face. Then he had an affair with a close female friend and justified his position by telling me how 'wrong' and screwed up I was (which of course made him 'right'). He was not very self aware and resisted any effort at personal growth or improving his communication skills. So a relationship with a 'less developed' INTJ is not something I would recommend to any ENFPs. -- Anonymous
A14 I think it could work for some people. I dated an INTj for 4 years, and I did feel supervised. He never criticized me, but I had a nagging feeling that I could never be 100% myself, because it would drive him crazy. There were some good points to it - we connected pretty well on a lot of things. Overall I just felt that he needed something I couldn't give him, and he couldn't give me what I needed either. We're still friends, though. I hope he ends up with a great ESFj -- Anonymous
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com*
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