| Socionics Personals |  | Female
Straight
16-25
Oceania
Libra
ENFj |
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Straight
16-25
Middle East
Sagittarius
INTj |
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Straight
26-35
North America
Pisces
INXj |
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| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1140957862 | Sunday, 26-Feb-2006 |
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| I am an ENTP wife married to an INTP husband. I feel like I can not get anywhere with him. When I try and talk to him about problems that are currently effecting our lives he looks at it as a personal attack on himself and tries to place blame else where. We have been together 5 years, and 4 of those years he has been totally unemployed and being supported by me or his parents. I love my husband and I want to stay with him but I feel like I don't get anywhere with him. When I try and talk about our problems he gets so angry and says something like "I am just a failure, that's what you taught me". I just don't get how he can sit there and watch me work 16 hour days and not even want to clean up the house. I don't understand how he doesn't feel motivated or guilty by how hard I work just to take care of him. I have tried pretty much every way of approaching him. Being nice and sweet, asking him questions, leaving him alone, and rewarding good behavior, even yelling at him and nothing works. I have sent him to therapy multiple times and I know he is depressed but he won't talk to therapists either... every time he gets on medication he will take it for 2 days and then just drop the treatment. He spends most of his time staring at the walls. He doesn't have any friends (because he doesn't like to talk much), and no extra curricular activities besides collecting comic books. The only think I have ever seen him really succeed at is college and since he doesn't use the degree that he already has I am afraid to go into debt to send him back for a second degree. When I bring up the fact that he doesn't have a job and ask him to look for work he says "You think I like it?" but he refuses to do anything about it. Or he will say he is looking for work and just do nothing. I am at my wits end here... I am having a huge communication problem. Being an extrovert I feel really lonely and alone. Every time I bring up something like the news, or just some general bull**** he will go "why is that important" or "so?...". He also leaves out major things that happen to him daily because he doesn't feel the need to tell me, and doesn't understand why I would want to know. It is really frustrating; he lives inside of his head and I never know what he is thinking. Any advice would be very much appreciated. -- Aderly |
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| A1 i am not sure whether you're using socionics or MBTT acroymns but that's not major. i'm not sure how you approach him but i think you should pay attention to the statement "I am just a failure, that's what you taught me". he's either really smart or he could be motivated given that he succeeded in college. either way, he can be more than just a failure, can't he? my suggestion is to not talk about his unemployment now and instead encourage him to do things he likes. chances are, he had trouble finding the work his liked and he needed time to do that, however, he didn't get the support he needed and finally just gave up on himself. i am not judging you here; i'm just trying to point out that maybe you've been using the wrong method. i don't think socionics is where you should be looking for answers, marriage counselling is the answer. just want to let you know that introverted people need space. if possible, don't nag and don't be over-involved with his matters. respect their privacy. not sure if you're doing it, but the last thing he needs is his loved ones discussing his problems with outsiders. trust his ability to find his way out. lastly, it sounds to me that you treat him like a 3-yr-old. -- whoever |
| A2 In response to A1, I have tried leaving him alone and just letting him to what he pleases; in fact I didn't say anything about it the first two years we were together. It is really hard not to do anything about it when you have to make an extra $2500 a month to support someone. I have given up pretty much all of my free time just to take on those extra hours in order to sustain him. It would be different if he was on unemployment insurance and could pay his own rent, and bills and extra curricular activities but that is all on my shoulders. Oh, and to give a little bit more perspective... I am 20 and he is 24.... he has been out of college for 4 years. -- Aderly |
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| A3 Maybe therapy or medications? What are specialists saying? It is a deppresion, personality disorder, neurological problem or something else? -- Skurwysyn - ENTp |
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