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Question #1140878369Saturday, 25-Feb-2006
Category: ESFp ESFj Typing
I'm a male INTp and was wondering how to tell the difference between female ESFp and ESFj, mainly because ESFp is supposedly my 'dual' and ESFj is my 'conflict'. I think I can spot dominant functions in most people of both sexes, even telling the difference between ENFj and ESFj, but I do have a problem telling the difference between ESxp and ESFj. I'm guessing ESxp would have a rather 'earthy' sense of humour, be pretty highly sexed and not think twice about being rude or offensive to people they don't like, whereas ESFj wouldn't, unless they found someone REALLY annoying and would be more likely to blank them or bitch about them behind their back than actually confront them. -- Matt the raver
Your Answers: 1+ 17+
A1 I use VI and intertype relations to tell ESFJs and ESFPs apart. ESFJs typically have a calm demeanor, although the types share many of the same traits. I've noticed that "P"s tend to have a carefree look and "J"s tend to have a serious look, but that is not strictly VI. It sounds like you're attempting to identify the types by their outward behaviors, which is perfectly valid but not the way I like to identify types. "You can just tell" obviously isn't very scientific but I guarantee that if you find a way to improve your VI you will find it rewarding. -- econdude
A2 This might sound a little unscientific but look at the way she describes other women. If she is even slightly judgemental in tone over something another woman at work has done odds are she's an ESFJ. If she has a "live and let live" attitude she's an ESFP. -- Tara ENFJ
A3 As an ESFj who has ESFp siblings, in my experience there are some obvious key differences in behaviour. The ESFp is more open and friendly during conversations and will ask you lots of detailed questions about your lifestyle. They also really hate conflict and will avoid it at all costs. The ESFj is much more judgemental and in conversation will try to seek agreement on value based issues such as who's behaviour is good, bad etc. They are more happy to tackle conflict. -- karen
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A4 I'm male INTp also, and having known both an ESFj and an ESFp woman, for a year so at my workplace. In practice I'd say they both seem silly and emotional, no offence to anyone. But in case of ESFp you'll find this endearing and in case of ESFj extremely annoying. Trust me, you'll know wether you'll like this person or find her annoying. Also you can just ask an indirect question, to find out if they are j or p, the type there are on personality tests. -- Anonymous
A5 I agree the most effective way is to judge whether or not the persons behavior annoys you to no end, or the opposite. Another thing I do when trying to determine if a person is my dual is I make a judgment on the level inwhich they readily understand and value those things which my verbal statements imply without requiring further specification. With your dual, you are both thinking in the same structural sense. When you say something to your dual, it can be 5 or 6 words, and you will not need to continue speaking, as they have already verified they understand and see the value of your statement (this is assuming you are saying something catered to those facts which they possess of course). With the conflict type, it is kind of the opposite. They will misinterpret the things you say, and you will get a general impression they rarely, if ever, see the whole value of your statement. You will have to use multiple statements to convey your full meaning, too. -- ian
A6 Blame. ESFJ explains things by blame, ESFP just moves on. ESFJ wants this wants that, ESFP shrugs and tries another path. ESFJ curses, ESFP ponders a bit. -- MLH
A7 I am also INTP male and recetly have raed that ESFP females are duals of our personality type.. But in other sources this pairs are really different .. for example in other sources ESFP's are good matches with IFSJ s and so on.. Because the fact that ESFP's are carpe diem stylish types they don't like abstract thinking and scientific concepts then how could we as INTP .. science and logic nerds could possible ever get them ? -- INTP55
A8 A7: I have never observed ESFps having a special relationship with ISFJs. This is just a nice theory of MBTI. I get on best with INTps and so do all ESFps I know. There are many kinds of ESFps, some of them are flirty carpe diem, some of them are very kind, patient and highly educated. I think it depends on the environment, social class and the ability to develop Fi. I myself am an ESFp girl, I am a university lector and many people think I am a logic nerd. I dont know why, I dont feel like one. But the truth is I am interested in abstract linguistic theories, because they help me understand the language I teach. I also have the ability to explain them to students in an easy-to-get way, so I study them in order to be able to explain them. I have heard lines like "You should get a guy with whom you can discuss abstract things" like hundred times in my life. ESFps actually have three sides to them that are difficult to combine, and for others to understand. One is, like you say, carpe diem - action, flirt, conqueror-style behaviour, "I want to have this and I will have it". But it also is able to get people going, to make them interested in something. The second one is very sensitive and fragile, it is the one that makes us want to have a deep relationship, to help everyone, to sacrify ourselves, to be interested in things like art, history, theology, music and so on. And the third one is kind of NiTe - our hidden agenda is "to know"; we need to understand, to reason logically. This last need grows with the age, as I have observed. So you see this ESFp carpe diem notion is not so simple as it might seem. I am afraid MBTI with their simplistic type descriptions have done a great damage to the public perception of ESFps (as well as to others). -- ESFp
A9 I am a female ESFP and I completely agree with A8. Also, A2 puts it so simplistically, yet completely covers it in a nutshell. -- Anonymous
A10 My ESFp friend is the life of the party. She does not have a mean bone in her body and can talk to anyone. I have seen her get wound up though- its always when her friends or family are threatened. I imagines ESFj are less approachable and less compelling. -- ENFp
A11 A10: Yeah, that sounds like an ESFp. Just that it is us who are less approachable than ESFjs - they also can talk to anyone, they are even much better at systematic conversation - we are more something like "sometimes too visible, sometimes invisible keepers of good mood" - and they are also a bit more approachable. We can talk to many people but we concentrate on the fun with them, on the activities with them, on the topic we talk about with them, not on the people themselves, and to allow someone closer and make friends is very difficult for us. And when we make some friends it is difficult for us to accept more people into the already existing friends list. So in the end, though we are fun and nice and helpful to everyone, the number of people that actually approaches us is very low. That is also why many ESFps test as introverts. -- Ezis (ESFp)
A12 I know an ESFj and an ESFp. (both are guys.) Each of them have a sort of... aura, around them, if you know what I mean. With Sir ESFj, everything is always a rush. He seems to have a constant to-do list in his head, and it never ends. He is always ready to spring to action. Very, VERY attentive to matters concerning ethics. (His mother, also an ESFj, is very much the same in these regards.) With Mr. ESFp, life is cool. Chillaxin', dudes! Hey, wanna have a lightsaber fight? sounds fun! Well I've never danced before but sure, why not? it could be a grand time! See what I mean? He has a very calm, but very chipper/bright, and wingin'-it sort of demeanor. Perhaps this has to do with the static loop versus the dynamic loop? Hm... Also, a HUGE indicator is this: ESFj's have a very particular attitude, (and I know several others besides Sir ESFj and his mother, so I don't think this is specific to just one or two individuals,) and this attitude is very ready to enforce ethics. If you intrude on their ethics they rake you over the coals. Though... they are capable of being gentle and taking a loving teacher-like angle of things, but they will still explain their ethics to you. Usually though I notice a more forceful attitude; the gentler one is much rarer. This attitude of not allowing you to cross their ethics is a dead give-away, once you've become familiar with it. I also think they have a rather distinct look in their eyes. They also tend to be fairly serious, whereas ESFps tend to be much more light-hearted. -- ENFp
A13 A8 is right on about ESFp's we NEED "to know". Jennie (ESFp) -- Anonymous
A14 A12: As to the seriousness: when it gets to "learning about the world" we can get pretty serious. I guess that's the INTp in us. When we get absorbed in some psychology or religion theory or literature or reading about foreign countries we can be the least-joking ones in the world. Some ESFps who have trouble acknowledging their Se and sink into their Fi and Ni are even so serious and philosopher-like that they can be mistaken for INFjs or INTps. Also, I imagine it can happen for example in a children camp, when everyone is supposed to play a game, that ESFjs will be having great fun but ESFps will be in their tent playing guitar to themselves because this is the kind of game they don't like, and will therefore be considered fun-spoilers by other children. Also, the light-sabre fight seems to me like something an ENp would come up with, not an ESFp, but an ESFp would probably agree. And we generally are a bit slower and shyer than what you portray us. As to the ethics of ESFjs... the ones you know are like that, but I know an ESFj girl who isn't concerned with ethics almost at all. She simply is a nice person who can keep the conversation going, she complains about her work and her boss a lot but the rest of the time, she's an unobtrusive, pleasant caregiver and storyteller. -- Ezis (ESFp)
A15 a preference toward rationality or irrationality is actually the easiest dichotomy to determine by v.i. it's as simple as the way the person's head sits on their neck. look at their profile, and draw an imaginary line from the center of the neckline all the way up to the top of the person's head. on J types, the line will be in the center of their head, but on P types the line will end toward the back of their head. basically, a J types head is centered on their neckline where a P type's head sits forward on the neck. this comes from a very detailed book on v.i. i've read with a lot of photographic evidence. i'll post the name of the book when i can recall the exact title. i hope this helps. -- Anonymous
A16 What's the name of this book? Would be of great help. -- Anonymous
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