| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1134432848 | Tuesday, 13-Dec-2005 |
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| Yet another question on dual relations. Reading up on the profile for my dual (ESFP) I can appreciae the general concept behind the theory (the weaknesses of one are the strengths of the other, etc.) In an ideal world these two types would come to acommodate one another and become dualized. On paper it seems fine, but I don't see how it could be applied to the real world. For example: From what I'm reading ESFPs are high-energy people who actively seek out stimulation and new experiences. This is a weakness for INTPs who can become very pedantic and unmotivated. ESFps are rarely pessimistic, INTps are rarely not pessimistic. INTps seek rationality, ESFps are highly irrational and fickle. It seems like instead of trying to complete one another they would quickly grow tired of their differences-although not as quickly as out-and-out opposite types might-and simply end the relationship. I'd think that an ESFp would rightfully become bored with the INTps aloof behavior and negative attitude. As an INTp the description of ESFps reminded me of a lot of former coworkers who were more loud, in-your-face, bouncy, walking headaches to me than pleasant company. I don't think I could be around someone like that for very long and I don't imagine an INTp would sound very appealing to an ESFp, no matter how similar our individual tastes. Perhaps I'm not fully understanding the mechanics that would want to keep these divergent personalities comming back for more rather than going at each other's throats or simply looking elsewhere. -- Anonymous |
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| A22 I'm INTP and my fiance is ESFP. While most of the things mentioned here apply to our relationship, it's not as bad as it would seem. Actually a lot of people think that we fight a lot but we are rarely truly upset. Something I haven't seen mentioned here is that ESFP's often have trouble making hard decisions and look to someone they feel is qualified, and INTP's are ALWAYS qualified or will refer you to someone who is (which makes us qualified). Also INTP's have a deep desire to be needed, and the ESFP's apparent incompetence in decision making gives us a perfect role. We are NEEDED for our brains! As for me, even though i may not agree with her ways of thinking most of the time, I benefit from getting a different opinion to dissect and add to my complete picture. She almost always sees things differently, which is very interesting to me, especially because for all the times she's wrong, sometimes she is VERY right in ways i hadn't thought of. She makes reaches in thought without the aid of logic or reason and sometimes hit's it right on the head. This is an invaluable insight tool for me in my quest for the big picture. We are both musicians and she will make connections between songs that i don't which always delights me. Plus INTP's love to talk about things that interest them and an ESFP is always quick to ask questions which gives me an opportunity to rant. She thinks I'm opening up and sharing my mind with her and I get to show off my impressive catalogue of specialized terminology. Also I think she has a problem with not thinking and i have a problem with not feeling and we really help each other develop these functions, it actually works out great! -- MJ Avenger |
A23 I'm a female INTp and I'm off-and-on smitten over a male ESFp friend of mine for a while. What turns me off the most is that he's too busy off having fun or screwing around to be really interested in me at all, whether romantically or not. The lack of attention can be really infuriating. But he's just sooo talented and dreamy... *sigh*  -- another intp |
| A24 Well if he's so busy having fun he maybe even wouldn't be an ideal partner... perhaps try finding yourself another ESFp, there are also a bit slower and more serious ones around, and also ones that like INTps and pay attention to them. There is also the possibility that he actually likes you but is too shy to start a contact, or thinks you even don't know he exists. That happens sometimes. -- Ezis (ESFp) |
| A25 I'm an INTp and I used to date an ESFp. I think the relationship works because the differences attract and make you more interested in the person. And since they're so different, it really brings out a different side of each person. Like we bring out the best in each other. -- Anonymous |
A26 I'm INTp and the idea of an ESFp boyfriend was so out-of-the-question a few months ago that I slapped myself every time I found myself crushing on my (INSANELY ATTRACTIVE) male ESFp friend. We weren't that close, and I thought he was way too fun/popular/talented/outgoing for me. A few weeks ago he asked me out.  When I'm around him, I'm a bit looser and I smile a lot, but I can still talk him out of doing stupid things. He goes to great extents to be warm and friendly to me, because he knows that even though I don't like to show my emotions I love it when he puts his head on my shoulder... Well, that's my analysis as to why these relationships work! -- Anonymous |
| A27 Me being an INTP, i can confirm the duality relationship between myself and an ESFP. She was my first real girlfriend in high school, we were together for nearly a year. We knew eachother since middle school and hated eachother...until we started having classes together in high school. It seems she was intrigued by me, so she was the one who pursued me. I couldn't understand why she pursued me and initially resisted...but eventually gave in. I remember we didn't have much in common but we still found things to talk about since we were so different. She was my sexual ideal, aggressive and it would make me aggressive in return. Throughout the relationship I was sorta cold and distant...but after she moved to another state, I was very much love struck and tried to keep a long distance relationship with her for a year. Of course that didn't last and I was depressed for a while. Since then, though, I haven't met anyone I genuinely and unconditionally do care about like I did her. I might enjoy another introvert's company, but being with her was different. It didn't matter that she was an extravert...I was happy with her just as she was. *Drifts off and hopes to meet another ESFP* -- INTP |
| A28 ESFp is my activator, INTp my mirror, and relationships between ESFps and INTps should be either amazing or a complete disaster (with the occasional in between thrown in for good measure). In a good situation, they surely have what every dual couple has. In bad situations, wouldn't ESFps just deal blow after blow to INTps' self image and self esteem? The INTp will pine away in solitude and think about how dreamy the ESFp is, while the ESFp will flit around, act promiscuous, and brag about it. Once the INTp really starts feeling neglected or rejected, he or she will wish that he or she could do what the ESFp does, but can't. If the ESFp ever confronts the fact that he or she makes the INTp feel horrible about himself or herself, the ESFp will view it as an affront to the ESFp's freedom and lifestyle. The ESFp might even view the INTp's "pathetic" attitude about the situation as a challenge. "Too bad." "Poor guy." "You lose!" Etc. The ESFp will care, maybe. The ESFp might even feel a little guilty. But will this type of ESFp do anything about it? Absolutely not. It's a pretty interesting dual pair, ESFp and INTp. ESFps (and ENFps, really) have done this to me, too, from time to time. It is not hard for me to get over an ESFp, but they can still leave me in a pretty lame condition. 'Mise well admit that. -- ENTj |
| A29 Met an ESFP girl at work and could never have imagined girls like this existed. She had all the looks that I ever wanted in a chick. She had all the charm that I never thought a girl with her looks could have. She was always nice even if I was clingy and needy at times. I asked her out but with negative replies. I got tired and gave up. But for some reason I made one last attempt to flirt with her but she turned me down once again and I decided to never flirt with her again. One day she put herself in a bad situation where she could have used my help. I just sat there and didn´t do anything to help her because I was still ****ed but she managed to pull herself out of the situation anyway. Next week she ****ed some douchebag and bragged about it in the dining room. I could have gotten heaven but got hell instead. INTP -- INTP |
| A30 A30: From my point of view, if she's the kind that brags about .....ing in a dining room, she wasn't worth your effort anyway. -- Ezis (ESFp) |
| A31 I wouldn´t call it bragging but when I walked past her friends table she said with a very loud frustrated voice. "He´s soo big". Maybe she was talking about him. A couple of months later one of her friends said with a very loud voice "Do you know that females strongest muscles are blah blah". Which also happened while I was walking past ger table. -- Anonymous |
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| A32 in a frustrated voice? oh no, that's not bragging that's being frustrated with someone who is too big... maybe. -- Anonymous |
| A33 What is it that ESFP´s see in INTP´s? I´m an INTP and the one thing that I like best about ESFP´s is that they make us come out of our shells. INTP´s are usually very pessimistic and ESFP´s very optimistic and they are the only ones that can make an INTP optimistic. -- Anonymous |
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