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| Question #1134432848 | Tuesday, 13-Dec-2005 |
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| Yet another question on dual relations. Reading up on the profile for my dual (ESFP) I can appreciae the general concept behind the theory (the weaknesses of one are the strengths of the other, etc.) In an ideal world these two types would come to acommodate one another and become dualized. On paper it seems fine, but I don't see how it could be applied to the real world. For example: From what I'm reading ESFPs are high-energy people who actively seek out stimulation and new experiences. This is a weakness for INTPs who can become very pedantic and unmotivated. ESFps are rarely pessimistic, INTps are rarely not pessimistic. INTps seek rationality, ESFps are highly irrational and fickle. It seems like instead of trying to complete one another they would quickly grow tired of their differences-although not as quickly as out-and-out opposite types might-and simply end the relationship. I'd think that an ESFp would rightfully become bored with the INTps aloof behavior and negative attitude. As an INTp the description of ESFps reminded me of a lot of former coworkers who were more loud, in-your-face, bouncy, walking headaches to me than pleasant company. I don't think I could be around someone like that for very long and I don't imagine an INTp would sound very appealing to an ESFp, no matter how similar our individual tastes. Perhaps I'm not fully understanding the mechanics that would want to keep these divergent personalities comming back for more rather than going at each other's throats or simply looking elsewhere. -- Anonymous |
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A1 Perhaps the answer is found in the dual seeking function. Your sixth function, the dual seeking function, is extraverted sensing. That just so happens to be an ESFp's first function, and vice versa. So it's quite likely that both of you, though very much different and opposite, will find each other good company. Somehow  -- LoveSeeker |
A2 "I'd think that an ESFp would rightfully become bored with the INTps aloof behavior and negative attitude". Their non-chalance could be one of the factors that will induce you to start paying attention to them if not trying to draw theirs. And this is based on one ESFp-INTp friendship between a male and female.   -- Anonymous |
| A3 I do not work particularly well with my dual (ESFj is my dual), but then again I don't work particularly well with anyone. The last thing I told my ESFj supervisor before I was fired almost two years ago is that I would see her in hell. I think personality and other factors overshadow type relations most of the time. Whenever I can identify and work with someone in my quadrable I try to take advantage of it. The key to me is that we do not experience a loss of energy when we work with someone in our quadrable. The supervisor I yelled at had a view of life and point of view so different from mine that the relationship ended in disaster despite the fact that we are the same age and have relations of duality. I learned something about myself and the world by working with her for so long (mostly I'm just glad to be gone!). -- econdude |
| A4 Presumably duals have similar interests but for entirely different reasons. It is their shared view of the world that makes them compatable. Balance holds them together. As counterpoint, most people get along best with others remarkably like themselves. -- Anonymous |
A5 The things that attract me to ESFPs are that they are very endearing and playful. Flirtiness doesn't hurt either. I have a friend that's an ESFP & she really takes me out of my shell. She'll start out making fun of me but then ultimately she's a genuine, caring person who's really not interested in judging people. The only negative aspect of them is that they tend to manipulate. Coincidentally I also dated a guy who was ESFP & that's all he seemed to do. So all in all you just need to find one whose "bad" attributes you can endure. -- Nastasya  |
| A6 'I'd think that an ESFp would rightfully become bored with the INTps aloof behavior and negative attitude.' In presence of an ESFp, INTp's stop being pessimistic. Everyone gets bored with INTp's impossible-to-getness, ESFp might be the only type that even bothers to try. ESFp's also flirt so blatantly that even INTp would get that someone is flirting with them. I mean, I usually get it like 2 weeks after it happened Also in this case, the relantionship might not even "meant" to be a long term one. ESFp's might not even want long term ones. And as INTp is the type that get least hurt when a relationship ends, the "idea" might be that INTp is less of a victim of a "serial-dater" like ESFp, than any other type would be,"Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all". In long term relationship, one between two INTp's might be the best, it just probably doesn't happen, because neither will make a move. @A4 I fail to see that INTp and ESFp would usually have any common interests, or duals in general. I don't see either that common interests would even play important part in a good relationship. The biggest problem in a dual relantionship, is that people don't meet their duals very often, exactly because of totally different interests. @A3 ESFj's are just difficult to work with in general, and usually not liked in their workplaces, despite that they desperately want to be liked by all. Maybe in a non-work setting, relantionship between INTj and ESFj would have a future. -- INTp |
| A7 when making assumptions about duality relations, you must remember it is very important you have typed both correctly on the J/P preference. One letter difference separates the duality relation from conflict type relations, which are just the worst. -- ian |
| A8 "In presence of ESFP, INTP stop being pessimistic." Thats very true. A small example from my life: I am an ESFP woman and my best friend from childhood is an INTP. We have never shared similar interests, maybe with the exception of handicraft. Now we are adult and I did not see her for three years and thought she completely forgot about me. Then I wrote her an SMS, cause I missed her, and her response was so warm that I was almost shocked, as she never used to express any emotions. Then we met and I was shocked again - she was pale, almost like lifeless, exhausted by her studies and depressed by her pessimistic view of her future. We talked for three hours, and although we dont share any interests and did not see each other for three years, we understood each other perfectly and it was great fun. When we were parting, my friend was laughing and shining like sun! And I was feeling a great peace of mind and intellectual stimulation I rarely experience with other types. - It takes some time and effort for ESFPs and INTPs to find and understand each other, and they both must be quite mature, but then its just perfect. - BTW, not all ESFPs are flirts, often they long for a deep and long-term relationship, and their hidden agenda is "to know", which suits the nature of INTPs. -- Ezis |
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| A9 To be precise, my friend is INTP by MBTI. What Socionics type she is I dont know. -- Ezis |
| A10 Sorry for the confusion, she is INTp in Socionics. -- Ezis |
| A11 I'm an INTP and I agree completely. Several different places have said that ESFps are the perfect mathc for INTps while I find they're exactly the kind of people I prefer not to be around much. While I can hang out with them and have fun for a while, marrying them is definantly out of the question or even being a really good friend with them. cause personally I just ultimaently prefer people who are more rational and don't act so much on their feelings at the moment. -- Anonynous |
| A12 I'm an intp also and agree w/A11. I prefer other rational types. I wonder if intps are guilty of the pigmalian project? -Enfps I am drawn to but they overwhelm me. -- Anonymous |
| A13 One thing I'd like to add to the discussion is the concept of polarization - it was touched on in A8, but only implicitly. In a relationship, each person tends to gravitate to the opposing side of the spectrum from the other. Thus, one person will be more extroverted in the relationship than the other - and if both are introverts, this pushes one of them away from their natural tendency. This is not to imply that every situation will force a polarization - the main idea is that in a long-term relationship, every aspect will eventually be embodied because circumstances will dictate. When two people have too much in common, one or both will often feel like they're having to go outside their comfort zone in order to keep a functional lifestyle (for example, if both like to spend money but neither likes to budget, one of them will have to step up to the chore - and chore they feel it to be!) But a person whose natural tendencies already complement yours can fulfill the kinds of tasks that you don't prefer to, and vice versa. No matter what the comparison between types, it's all about balance (such as, in the budget example, perhaps the couple could buy a standardized budget program so that both of them could contribute labor towards it, instead of one person shouldering the entire burden). -- iAnnAu |
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