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Question #1130527913Friday, 28-Oct-2005
Category: ISTp ENFp Advice Relationship Duality
Hi! I enjoy socionics, and were encouraged to discover my type - as a matter of fact I'm 100% convienced it works! The only problem I often encounter is finding my dual. I am ENFP (Reporter), and my dual is Artisan... I think I had no luck so far in attracting this particular type.... My best people I get along with and spend most of my time are Peacemakers. I just love these people but finding an Artisan...is just not working...could you suggest to me how do I identify and attract the type I need....I am female (have no problem attracting any type of men but that one... hm...!) -- Ellie
Your Answers: 1+ 13+ 29+
A1 the intertype relationship model is much like any other economic model in that it tells you what a certain set of variables will get you. they're not like math in which one plus one must be two. so it's not like you MUST seek a dual husband or anything. in a rare case in which you find yourself a nice and can-get-along conflicting type husband, go ahead! go with your heart, not the intertype relationship thingy. go seek artisans if you want, just don't think you have to seek them. -- whatever
A2 Ellie, I too am an ENFP and just learned of my ISTP match. Over time I had resigned myself to finding an INFP, but they are few and far between--unless you are a horrible type person and then everyone is an N, but I digress. So instead of INFPs, I decided on ISFPs. They are much more abundant and easy to spot--usually quiet and pretty, but calm pretty--not Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston pretty (both ESTPs--and they thought that marriage would last?). I have "dated" two ISTPs without knowing I was "dating" them. They are an odd bunch. You might have an ISTP good friend at work and not know they consider you a good friend. Unless they were one of our parents or close siblings, we don't really register ISTPs on the radar. I am not sure if I agree with the Sonionics grid, but I suggest you try for an introverted artisan. It takes a while to adjust from dating other types (i was a habitual guardian magnet), but like anything, it just takes practice and time--both things we hate hearing. I suggest testing out your relationship with a co-worker ISXP. They love going out so that won't be a problem. Just relax and start having fun...although they will want to talk about concrete things like music, fashion, money/investments, sports, or other real things . Oh, one good thing is that they love telling you their drama. Hope these are baby steps for you...and me. Good luck! -- jk
A3 ISTps are easy to find. If you see them in public at all, they'll be exuding a radiance of coolness and self-confidence. But inside they may be quavering at their lack of the above. They are the ones who have a detached sense of humour. Very detached. Very weird. And often they'd just be seen relaxing. If you do find one and you want to attract him, do pay attention to his facial expressions, because he'll be paying close attention to yours. Smile at him, laugh with him (and his detached sense of humour), and most importantly tell him that you love him. If you don't he may never know, and if he knows he may never show it. If you please him, well, you may never know it either, unless you force him to tell you. Don't play around too much with his feelings, be honest with yours and he'll open up to you. Be honest. Very honest. -- ISXp, probably T
A4 As an ENFP, I find that ISTPs tend to fade into the woodwork - at first I do not notice that they are there. They tend to be very quiet and it takes a little while for them to "get used" to me before communication really starts. I often convey my emotion through my actions and in the variance of my voice when I speak, whereas the ISTPs that I've gotten to know tend to speak very calmly but express their emotions in their words. This is often a source of miscommunication - or lack of regognition of how each of us expresses our emotions. An ISTP appears very aloof and distant at first - it will take a while before they trust the ENFP enough to open up. Just be patient and don't try to rush things. -- KML, ENFP
A5 Ooo. I've never noticed that, but according to experience it's true. After awhile the ISTp starts listening to your voice and he'll figure out how you're feeling. -- LoveSeeker (ISTp)
A6 Hi All, I just took the test and according to the results I should be an ISTp. Apparently, I am one of few making comments here which is too bad since I was hoping to see more reactions from people with the same type. I'm in a new relation about half a year with an ENFP. According to the intertype relations this should be a perfect match, however we do have a lot of discussion and it does not seem to decrease. My girlfriend often tells me she doesn't know I'm serious about her and I don't reassure her enough that I love her. She says this makes her very insecure. Of course, being ISTp expressing feelings in the way she desires is a bit difficult for me. I'd like to accomodate her but I'm not sure how. Any ideas? (I'm not proposing to her yet!!!) Suggestion for ENFP types that are looking for an ISTp: Look at dating sites. This is a very convenient way for ISTp's to meet new women since most of them have problems finding a suitable partner. A couple of my friends which are also ISTp's are also registered on dating sites. Don't look at the most popular profiles, since these are obviously not ISTp's. Mostly there will be little personal remarks and sometimes strange humor in the profile of an ISTp (I did too). Should be no problem to at least identify one. The more interesting question is of course: Do you really want to? -- TIPS
A7 "The more interesting question is of course: Do you really want to?" ---teehee! You probably are indeed an ISTp, leaving a comment like ~that~. Ellie, ISTPs aren't hard to find, really. They're mysterious and sarcastic, realistic to a fault (unless it concerns their character strengths), and are unbelievably talented at fixing things. All things. It's uncanny. I've always observed that the ISTp-ENFp dual relationship is one where the two actually ~are~ attracted to each other, so I think you'll find an ISTp eventually. ISTps (the men at least) seem to like emotional women with a sense of humour. They like witty banter. They fear 'b*tches', and ENFPs tend to be the most chipper, happy-go-lucky females around...yes. I think you'll find your ISTp eventually. (Oh, and for all you ISTPs out there, I'm an ENFP female, and I know for a fact that ENFPs get a huge kick out of you. Your blithe unconcern for everything is positively refreshing, lol.) -- ENFp
A8 On the hunt for an ISTP, eh? I'll tell you what keeps us so elusive, besides our huge superiority complex... To me, the truth of the answer is that we tend to be very happy within the confines and boundries of ourselves (besides, no one else understands us any ways)...for a time. It takes a long time (for me it wasn't until about age 26) before we begin to realize that despite all the irrationally emotional people, abundant insincerity, pointless and meaningless conversation, inefficient and energy wasting people out there in the world...that we as ISTP's, need to learn how to break out of that rather thick shell that keeps us bottles in and truly become part of the much larger world that we are in. Basically, we develop the need and desire to become more Extroverted because we eventually realize that staying within our shells, past a certain point, only serves to stiffle our personal growth, careers or opportunities. If most ISTP's are like me, they will much older by the time they actually want to or are much more capable of responding to relationship perimaters. My advice, don't look for the 19 year old ISTP, some one over 30 should be much more approachable...I'm 34 and I don't care if you giggle at that... -- Mcox
A9 How to spot an ISTP: you won't notice him at first. If you're unlucky like me, you'll forget his name when you first meet him, and make a fool of yourself upon your next encounter. But then you'll begin to notice that ISTPs are cool and confident, taciturn, with interests that move them (as long as you pry and get them to share)... and they hold a LOT OF INTRIGUE. As an ENFP, sometimes it is difficult to date an ISTP when you're looking for things like constant verbal validation and reaffirmation, and sometimes they get frazzled when you ask them too many questions... so it's important to think about the number of people an ISTP is close with, and how special your closeness is. Over time they open up, and it's interesting to know that you're making a difference in the formation of their personality. What A8 said about ISTPs coming out of their shells--I think they like an ENFP by their side to help catalyze this. You won't go unappreciated. Bottom line, if you're looking for one? Keep your eyes open and listen to the quiet and aloof types. They're probably right under your nose, but you haven't noticed them. -- ENFp female
A10 I notice that ISTp's are actually not too difficult to impress for an ENFp. As en ENFp, most ISTp's I've met (regardless of gender), after the initial easy ice breaking they have a tendency to be completely interested with the ENFp's lively personality. Trust me, once you get the ISTp's attention you'll have him/her hanging on to you revery single word. Oh, and do be gentle, they are naturally timid and can be intimidated by the ENFp's blunt attitude. -- ENFp
A11 LOL. ISTPs are naturally timid? Don't mistake quietness for timidness. I think extroverted types tend to confuse quiet self assurance for shyness, but rest assured, just because a person appears detached and doesn't talk incessantly, it doesn't mean they are timid. Quite the opposite. Also note that what you think is "complete interest" might actually be polite boredom. ENFPs are not the only ones with "blunt attitudes". But, whereas an ENFP might express it verbally with lots of gusto, we will express it quietly and subtly, unless a person doesn't listen, and then we will be forceful. By the way, though we notice and pay attention to everything, it takes quite a lot to really impress us, and that which does not impress us is blocked out absolutely. Yes, I'm ISTP, female, 28. - ISTP -- Anonymous
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A12 Fascinating reading. I'm an ENFp woman. I've never dated an ISTp guy but now realize that some of my favourite male friends over the years have been ISTp. I have always found them to be exciting people with a dry sense of humour, calm in a crisis (which occassionally I may help create) and amusingly aloof and...to be frank...quite sexy for some reason (although they were just friends). Hmmm...maybe I should actually date one? -- Anonymous
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