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Question #1122966747Tuesday, 2-Aug-2005
Category: Relationship Advice
I MAY NOT BE LOOKING IN THE RIGHT WEBSITE....BUT I AM TRYING TO IDENTIFY A SPECIFIC PERSONALITY..MY NEW SON-IN-LAW IS EXTREMELY STRANGE...I SOMEWHAT FEAR FOR MY DAUGHTER...HERE ARE SOME OF HIS CHARACTERISTICS....HE IS A MANIPULATOR (EXTREMELY) HAS TO HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OF HER..AND ALL OF THE OCCURING SITUATIONS AROUND HIM..HE IS VERBALLY ABUSIVE TO MY DAUGHTER...TELLS HER THINGS TO ALWAYS SWAY HIS WAY, EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT QUITE TRUE, HAS A TEMPER..NOT A SINCERE PERSON...I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO...I FEEL HE COULD BE DANGEROUS IF SHE SHOULD GET SMART AND WALK FROM THIS MARRY. WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO IDENTIFY? -- JEANNETTE
Your Answers: 1+
A1 Well, Jeannette, it looks like it is you who want to have complete control over your daughter, it is you who can't just let her live her own life, it is you who want to be in charge of what is good and what is bad for your daughter. Have you ever thought that your daughter is not necessarily a carbon copy of you but has her own personality and people she finds attractive and comfortable to be with are not necessarily the people you might consider to be suitable for her? You can't keep changing her nappies for the rest of your life. Maybe it is time you should get smart and let her be? -- Dr Zoidberg
A2 You should be researching personality disorders, not the MBTI/Socionics per se. -- econdude
A3 the first post is quite disturbing. if your daughters boyfriend is what you describe, i would also be concerned. you might try approaching your daughter and talking to her in a non-confrontational discussion. express your concern and your love. personality typing does not answer the kinds of questions you pose, this behaviour is not healthy for any type. -- anon
Moderator's comment
The first post refers to her daughter's husband rather than a boyfriend.
A4 Jeannette, I once dated someone with the same profile you are describing. He was later diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. This personality disorder is frequently related to emotional and physical abuse and individuals can be very manipulative and unpredictable. It is very difficult to get out of a relationship like this because of the nature of the partner's actions but the longer your daughter waits, the harder it will be. I suggest doing some reading on BPD and talking honestly with your daughter about how he is treating her. Please keep in mind that she may try to justify his actions and treatment of her or deny the seriousness of his abuse. Good Luck -- Guest
A5 Dr Zoidberg is always giving the worst relationship advices on the planet. But he's right about something, there's nothing you should or can do. Everything you'd try to do, would just cause a further distance between you and her, wich just makes things worse. Girls, especially in the modern society, just happen to fall for guys like that. They interpret that kind of behaviour as "self-confidence", "he knows what he wants" and so on. From a mans point of view that's just ridicilous, and hard to understand. Of course when women get older and wiser, they start to see through all that. I don't find any better advice for you than ignore her problematic relationship, and try enhance her strenghts and feeling of self-worth in things that aren't related to her relantionship with her man. There's also another option, but that would require that you would have to be a man with authority, but since you aren't that's not really a option in this case. And one more advice On internet don't write in all capital letters, and try to use proper punctuation (, and . instead of ...). Your question looks like one of those old telegram messages. @A4 "I once dated someone with the same profile you are describing." One question: Why?! -- Anonymous
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A6 Consult a social worker or a clinical psychologist. Socionics presumes a person is normal and not emotionally disturbed or psychotic. -- Anonymous
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