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Question #1122149450Saturday, 23-Jul-2005
Category: Advice
My type is supposed to be INTJ. I am highly successful in both work and study - I do both; typical of INTJ ha - especially with things that require technical understanding and application. Not that good in social relationships especially those at work; most people don't understand why I'm quiet most of the time or why I prefer to be alone (again typical of INTJ!). Now, I have three questions; the first is actually a doubt as an INTJ I am supposed to be the most confident of all the types, but this is not the case with me! I usually am not satisfied with my performance and often times think that I'm on the brink of failure, even though I almost always get the best results! Is this a bad sign?! -- Anonymous
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Your Answers: 1+
A1 Who knows, but many great things get accomplished this way. However, whoever and wherever said about INTj and the confidence have no clue what they are talking about. -- Admin
A2 My second question is about my social skills will they ever improve? Can I do anything about them, such as learning NLP skills? -- Anonymous
A3 One way to improve your social skills would be by deliberatly putting yourself in a situation which requires them and then learning from it. It's just like jumping into a water without a life jacket, you either get drowned or learn how to swim. But there are also other alternatives. You can find yourself an ESFj companion, for example, then you don't need to worry about your social skills anymore, or you can observe people who know how to use these skills and learn from them. There must be dozens other ways you can find. -- Admin
A4 And my last question is about how one can distinguish between an INTJ and an ISTJ; is there a quick way of knowing which one is which just by simple observation of behavior? -- Anonymous
A5 ISTjs are more confident about their appearances than INTjs. The difference is subtle nevertheless noticeable. -- Admin
A6 Interesting, Im having trouble trying to distinguish whether I am INTJ or ISTJ. And what exactly do you mean by confident? Does it mean The way they dress? -- Warr
A7 Maybe you are becoming a P(INTp)They are the ones that fear failure, especially if you get that bad feeling in the pit of your stomach. INTJ fantasizes more than an ISTJ. INTJ has mental confidence, ISTJ has physical confidence. INTP's tend to slouch. INTJ can imagine things that don't exist yet, ISTJ will most likely reject it. The X-Files INTJ is Mulder, ISTJ is Scully-or so I've read. -- Curious
A8 INTj confidence is in soundness or viability of their solutions to technical problems; it's an intellectual thing. INTj's can otherwise be the least confident of all types socially: we're ackward and we know it. You mentioned NLP one of NLP paradigms is that anything a human being can do, you can learn to do. I don't know if this is completely true, but it is inspiring. As an INTj myself I have tried recently to improve my ; specifically my skills in non-verbal communication. For me, the key is to get outside my own head and focus on the people I'm interacting with. Lastly, ISTj's are detailed and factual; INTj's are more general, big-picture thinkers to whom precise details are of little concern. ISTj's dress to impress. INTj's dress to make themselves comfortable. Ask what time it is and an ISTj will tell you, "It is 3:47 pm;" to an INTj it's "quarter-to-four." -- Anonymous
A9 Dear original poster, you might find that spending time interacting with young children (e.g., ages 1-10) may help a TINY bit with your general social skills - i.e., to relate to the majority of the population. If you don't already, this may help you proactively engage in that boring simple chitchat with others about basic sensory/objective data (e.g., who's that? what's the weather like today? that's a neat coat...), etc. Of course, this doesn't solve the big looming question of how INTjs can avoid angering others ... which may very well be an inevitable drawback of the type. ( It can even seem like the harder one tries, the worse it gets! As for NLP, my educated guess is that a practicing INTj would probably turn others off even more. Instead, being more other-focused in THAT moment of interaction (not just in theory and heart's intent), being aware of others' non-logical concerns (e.g., "hearing" and validating another's feelings without feeling the need to explain or solve the situation), and relating to shared mundane details of life with others in a level playing field might help. -- anonymous
A10 Response to A7 - actually I believe the other English socionics site has Mulder and Scully in real life as ENTp and ESTj. -- econdude
A11 To the original question, INTj's can doubt themselves a lot, not because of low self-confidence, but because they are at heart perfectionists. If they don't live up to their (unattainable) standard of perfection, they feel worthless. If you still get good results even after all that self-doubt, you're likely an over vigilant J-type. -- Anonymous
A12 INTj are confident only when they have a plan, which means that they have had time to think about and finalize a direction or concept to follow. They even need sort of strategy for social interaction. ISTj are similar except they need more than just strategy; they need a step-by-step procedure in advance. ISTj tend to be less adept diplomatically; to compensate, they might try to dress sharply for the occasion and mimic what others do under similar circumstances. Since they are very methodical and detail oriented, they can look very professional - but usually stiff. INTj appear more casual but more aloof, but not because of confidence; they will simply try to relax in the periphery and observe, not venturing into anything where they might be at a disadvantage. -- Anonymous
A13 You have reins on your confidence because as an INTJ you are realistic, hard working and don't want to half arse projects. -- ESTJ Female
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