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Question #1121149902Tuesday, 12-Jul-2005
Category: Intertype Relations Advice Relationship
I'm 24 and have a problem. I find it difficult to form stable and good relationship with several friends who are ISFPs and ESFPs. Their behaivour tends to be untrustworthy and manipulating. For example, they were quite friendly at first. After a period of time, we knew each other more and had more soical activities. We enjoyed meeting each other. But then their strange behaviour appeared. There were many times they broke promises when we had already confirmed some holiday plans. They suddenly became cold and rejected me with many reasons. Even if these reasons were true, they should tell me earlier. After these events, they gradually became easy-going again and I just forgave them. But the cycle repeated. One time in a social gathering they suddenly insulted me in front of other people. I'm sure that I had done nothing wrong with them before. They just look like actors with split personality. They like drawing poeple attention, gaining your trust and controlling your emotion. Breaking promises, suddenly rejecting and insulting other people without any good reasons are common behavior of my ISFPs and ESFPs friends. These behaviours occured to me more than 5 times. Their behaviour really made me mad! I have had less contact with them since then. In my opinion, we should not expect these SPs too much and quite a lot of them are like dishonest sales. (Of course I don't mean all SPs are untrustworthy.) What do you think and should I still get along with them? -- Anonymous
Your Answers: 1+
A1 It seems that problem lines in you, not in your friends. -- f
A2 Those types have feeling as their spontaneous realization, and they are sensing types, so their feelings aboout you may change from day to day. Also, for them feelings and emotions are more a tool than they are an absolute. They use their charisma and charm as it suits them, knowing full well the affect it has on others. -- Woodrow
A3 Contrary to the earlier suggestion, the problem described has nothing to do with you as a person. The problem is in the very mechanism of intertype interactions. Usually ESFps and ENFps (ISFPs are not quite that bad) have tendency to behave in the way described. It is (as has been said already) the spontaneous realisation that makes these types behave this way, especially if it is Fi - i.e. "Now I like you..., Now I don't like you..., Now I like you even more..., Now I want to kill you..., etc." Not everybody is affected by this behaviour, some even get stimulated. People who normally get affected by such behaviour are Rational types, which require stability in a relationship, i.e "I don't care if you love me or hate me as long as it remains consistent." -- Admin
A4 Yeah, the first answer was absurd. -- Anonymous
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A5 ISFp and ESFp are from very diffrent quadras. You should like one of them. One of them have at least one of your values. If you cant stand both, there is something wrong with one of them or with you. -- f
A6 I am ENFP, and find that love relationships with ESFPs can become quite exhausting. These kinds of relationships tend to switch from periods of intense fireworks to cold periods of distance. Much like a jojo, and I guess me being ENFP doesn't really help there. I disagree with you calling them dishonest or unthrustworthy though. In fact I find them rather consistant in that they are naturally drawn to new sensations, and have a strong need for people to like them. They're like butterflies in many ways. Colourful and pretty, but they rarely stay in the same place for long. Everybody loves ESFPs, but if you're not able to join them on their joyride through life or if lifelong commitment is what you seek, maybe you better try to stay friends with them instead of beginning a love relationship. -- voot
A7 Are you absolutely certain of the types of these "ESFPs" and "ISFPs"? Any type could be behaving in the manner you described, although for some types it would not be typical. To me your question raises the issue of the character you want in the people who are your friends, not their psychological type. -- econdude
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