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Question #1120156891Thursday, 30-Jun-2005
Category: Intertype Relations Advice Duality
Why, specifically, are INFJs and ESTJs attracted to each other? Also, how can an INFJ get an ESTJ to notice her and get past the "ordinary and simple" characterization? Any quick ways to spot an ESTJ? -- Maria
Your Answers: 1+ 7+ 14+
A14 I'm an INFJ married to a an ESTJ. I am very in love with my husband and he is very in love with me but I will say it is not an easy marriage. The great thing about us is we are committed to having an exciting roller coaster type of relationship. Sometimes we're over the moon with each other and sometimes we don't talk much for a few days. But, I find him very reliable and committed and kind. We have two children age two (twins) and he is wonderful with them. He provides the discipline I have a hard time applying He is enthusiastic about my crazy ideas and thoughts. He likes that I am very morally centered and of strong character. He likes that I'm polite and kind of shy. I like that he is very friendly with people and very family and community oriented. I find that setting up duties for each other at home makes things go much smoother. I try to ignore his sarcasm which reveals itself when he is stressed. I try very hard to understand that when he seems like he doesn't care, it's just that he is stressed to the point of being shut off and unable to communicate well. So I give him time to cool off and then we talk. I put my foot down so that he and I talk regularly before things get too miserable. ESTJs sure like daily sex. We INFJs seem to prefer quality over quanity so honestly that is something challenging to work around. I believe it's doable because these two types often have the willpower to stick it out. So when my husband and I argue, I never feel worried that he'll leave me. Instead, I roll my eyes and know that things will be fine in a few hours or days -- Anonymous
A15 Be persistent when persuing your ESTJ and try several different ways to attract their attention as we are not known for our intuitive abilities. Don't let a lack of emotion put you off as we have trouble showing our feelings. When you are talking to an ESTJ say what you mean rather than dropping hints which might be missed. Direct talking doesn't put ESTJs off. The ESTJ will be secretly awe struck and flattered by your affections and rather than being overcome with emotion might just look shocked/surprised especially if they've missed all your hints. ESTJs love INFJs so be yourself. -- ESTJ Female
A16 i am an infj male according to MBTI. i am confused on duality. From what i understand in socionics, the infj becomes an infp?? if so, is my dual an ESTJ or an ESTP? -- Anonymous
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A17 A16, J/P in MBTI points to the extroverted aspect while j/p in Socionics points to the dominant. However, an introvert can be the same type in both classification systems, which demonstrates that there are flaws in the systems. An accurate representation of type is likely a combination of both perspectives - personality typing needs a third approach. -- Anonymous
A18 I am an infj and my hubby is an estj and we work wonderfully. It took some work, but after a few years, we have the most BEAUTIFUL relationship and marriage. We are ridiculously codependent. LoL We both value our marriage and children above anything else and so we communicate beautifully to reach our goals. We are true partners as well as best friends. We truly balance each other out. He is my rock and I keep him interested by my creative mind. He shows his love in so many ways and I do the same. We serve each other. I have helped him to soften and be more understanding and he has kept me grounded and helps me to see logic when I'm drowning. Sure, when we argue about dumb things married people argue about, it gets heated because both personalities are passionate and "right", (ha ha), but we both believe we need to duke it out until there's a solution. He has brought me out of my shell. I tend to internalize and he has forced me to communicate with him about my feelings. Where as, I used to hold it in and then have a major outburst when it all came to the surface, I now tell him initially that I'm upset. I've helped him to see that things aren't always so black and white and to be more open to different ideas. It's a true partnership and it's symbiotic. I could go on and on. I LOVE that man wth my entire being and I know he feels the exact same way about me. ❤💓💖 -- Anonymous
A19 I am a female INFJ with a female ESTJ friend. She just took the quiz an hour ago so I'm just learning about this. On that note, once I was able to "feel" her out and decide that she was good peoples. We clicked immediately, it is a friendship that while new is quickly very meaningful. I appreciate that she is always willing to say what's on her mind to let me know that she enjoys and values our friendship. Overall I would say that this duality friendship is golden provided that both parties have interest. -- Anonymous
A20 I met my ESTJ at a gathering with mutual friends. I was drawn to him right away (although at first he struck me as an ESFJ, more into that later), but he didn't take much notice to me as he was still hung up on an acquaintance of mine who was clearly not feeling the same way. Anyway, I very uncharacteristically took matters into my own hands and got his number from said acquaintance and struck up a conversation. Almost six months later he asked me on a date and also uncharacteristic of me, i felt very comfortable around him, almost like we had always known each other. Now we have been together for 6 years and married for 2 of them. I think what attracted him to me was that we shared major values and religion, and I think ESTJs are a sucker for our INFJs childlike nature and perceived innocence. I can tell you that it is very hard as we are different in so many ways, and I spent a lot of our dating life wondering if there was someone I could CONNECT with more. My idea of connecting is having deep, meaningful, soul altering conversation which may lack in this pairing. But trust me, ESTJs bark is worse than their bite and they may just be the most loving, loyal, and stable partners for us INFJs. Plus, they are big mushballs on the inside, they just have a hard time articulating those things. This is evident in their corny sense of humor and how much kids love them. My husband even tells me (after much inclination from me) that he loves me because I am who he is on the inside. I even thought he was ESFJ for years, even after he would take MBTI tests and get typed as an ESTJ, I didn't want to accept it because they have such harsh reputations and I just didn't see my ESTJ that way. (Worth mentioning is that my ESTJ grew up with a very strict ESTJ father and has made considerate effort to improve his feeling function in effort to be different from dad, and maybe this makes him more sensitive than other ESTJ types). Over all, I think this dynamic is worth pursuing. Once I stopped focusing on what my husband does not do, and started appreciating what he does do I have been so content, which is hard for an INFJ because we are always thinking of the possibilities. He works hard to provide stability in our life, is always there for me and patient when I am being an emotional wreck, very giving and attentive in bed, and seriously the best friend I have ever had by giving it to me straight yet still appreciating that I am my own person (standing up for yourself will prove to be very important to the health of this relationship as ESTJs have the tendency to want to control the things around them). This pairing is not for the faint of heart and you will find yourself longing for more adventure from time to time, which your ESTJ will be comfortable letting you pursue if he trusts you. (I have gone on many trips sans my ESTJ, and sometimes even with his help). We complement each other so well, and I am so happy I found him. -- Happily married INFJ female
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com*
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