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Question #1103142684Wednesday, 15-Dec-2004
Category: Intertype Relations
I'm an INFP. I often come into trouble with ENTJs; especially as they periodically happen to be my bosses! I find them shallow salespeople. I can see that they are big picture people, but they seem to be overly ambitious and have a poor understanding of what is realistically involved, in terms of people and resources in undertaking any task. Sledge hammer demands and expectations, insensitive and wise-cracking remarks that feed a starved ego is all I can see. Obviously I am jaded by my INFP disposition. Can you help me see the lighter side of the ENTJ? -- Anonymous
Your Answers: 1+
A1 What you have to remember that type is not an accurate definition of one's personality. You may have met many nice ENTjs already but didn't know they were ENTjs because for you this type is associated with bad personality. Maybe there is a particular breed of ENTjs with bad personality that strive to become bosses in your organisation. But this does not make all ENTjs bad. -- Admin
A2 I am also an INFP, and I feel your pain. But you must remember that we are all stimulated by different interests for a reason. The universe needs the balance between people who strive for true meaning and understanding of life and love (basically NFs); and those who desire power and control. Also that type tends to have a fear of being left behind by everyone if they don't work hard to advance and be greater. Life my friend, is just merely a point of view... -- Blake
A3 Here I go again defending a type that is not my own. I don't know if I can help you see the "lighter side" of an ENTj, but understanding what drives them might help you avoid conflict with them. ENTj are primarily extraverted thinkers. Their first function, extraverted thinking () establishes an order and a structure to their immediate external situation. This is the ENTj's basis of truth. So long as everything obeys this structure all is right with the world. An ENTj's second function is . This means that an ENTj's ideas are likely to appear as process directives ... "X shall happen, then Y, then Z..." To an ENTj the world is coherent only so long as it obeys his own dictates. ENTj's do not wake up in the morning and make a conscious decision to behave as tyrants. They wake up in the morning, take stock of the world, and tell it how it will behave. -- Anonymous
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A4 Hi, I am an ENTJ female with an INFP mother. She is a beautiful and talented artist and writer. She is also an incredibly thoughtful person, and very well-intentioned. Raising an ENTJ little girl was very difficult for her. I was not loving and thoughtful, but cold, analytical, and pragmatic. In kindergarten, I forgot to make her a Mother's Day card. I was the only child who did not present it to her during school pick up. She was absolutely devastated. At first she blamed herself for being a bad mother, and then me for being a cold and unloving child. Then she realized what the problem was: she needed to tell me that it was important to her. After she expressed to me in a direct fashion that she wanted a Mother's Day card, I promptly produced one year after year. Throughout my years growing up, my mother learned to control her emotions to communicate with me. I, on the other hand, learned to grow a heart. As my mother provided me with creative inspiration and encouraged me in any dream I every had, (which I learned later to appreciate), I took care of my mother, shielded her from criticism, provided plans for her art to be successful, and took care of her financially. I am now 25, and we are great friends. But I had to learn compassion and appreciation (which was tough). And she had to learn to tell me her thoughts. I was not a born minder-reader like she was. If it were not for her, I would NOT be a Ph.D. student in philosophy. If it were not for me, she would not be an award winning screen-writer. The reason I tell this story is because for us to work together, we both had to change. I was extremely uncompromising and bullying for many years. The best approach to deal with my personality is to write down your thoughts ahead of time and then discuss them with a more pragmatic fellow employee to taper them to your boss's "to the point" attitude. (INFP's lack this ability in an ENTJ's eyes). The effective way to give feedback is to give three praises first and then one improvement. Your ENTJ boss will be more amenable to that approach. And remember, don't waste his or her time! Be quick and to the point with your creative imput/new perspective (that is your main strength in the ENTJ's opinion)and you will get amazing results. ENTJ's are very loyal and will take you under their wing if they like and value you. I hope this helps in your quest for an answer. Good luck. -- Tetley
A5 Well , I have tested as an ENFP and I clash with bosses & co-workers who are ESTJ's because I find they can be narrow minded , uncaring about the emotions of "feelers" and they think that an ENFP is strange because they like their career as their "Sensing" function only allows them to see their job as a means to an end (paycheck). An ENFP, however, uses their "intuition" to see a purpose behind the paycheck, this on its own can create friction between the two temperaments, I have found. A "thinking" type can also say nasty things without even realizing it , that's something I've had to watch ,also I had to realize their aloof outlook isn't to be taken personally if they don't relate to how a "feeler"connects. An ESTJ (particularly high end types which I was around) want to put people in their place with the use of "logic" whereas an ENFP will leave people be until they their values are violated ,at least, then they can become controlling. I've listened to "their" logic,they think they are looking after a person by being an "asshole" to them whereas an ENFP has "empathy" for others. Remember , an ENFP & INFP are both "female" personality types whereas an ESTJ & ENTJ is "male" (totally different). I've done other personality tests, I am male but the test said I was more emotional , adventureous & extroverted than the average "female" & surprisingly , the "average" female scores higher in these traits than the "average" male. But I score right at the other end of the spectrum in my preference towards "structure" , I prefer lots of flexibility (perceiving rather than judging) , most males & females prefer some structure whereas I prefer none at all. I've had trouble in organizations where politics goes on because of my intuition,because the hierarchy doesn't want a person to know what goes on in an organization , an "intuitor" naturally wants to seek out "why" things work out the way they do & who does what whereas a "sensor" accepts things as they see them. -- Russell
A6 i'm an INFP and i love my ENTJ boss! he's a total beast but very creative and is more supportive of me than anyone i ever met. to deal w/ him i use humor, he love's that, and i am very too the point. i work extremely hard which earns his respect. we're in a creative field so i love my work which helps. i don't talk too much, i'm not needy, i give myself strokes and don't depend on him. but one word email from him saying "brilliant" makes my day. ENTJ's are difficult. he can be a total prick. but i am softening him up by being very honest, to the point, expressive of my feelings without being needy and also, using my Intuition to connect with him which is where we really hit if off. hope this helps! -- Anonymous
A7 I too have an ENTJ boss. He is very demanding. Altho I really like him and get his sense of humor I have huge problems w/ him because he doesn't seem to want to deal w/ reality. He runs roughshod over everyone in the company but because he's the owner, no one can "tell him what to do". I love his ideas but am having a lot of trouble communicating with him. I'm not really sure what to do to improve the situation. He doesn't seem to appreciate anyone else. -- Anonymous
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