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ISFj Uncovered "Beneath the Sweetness"
by I/O
ISFjs are deeply sensitive individuals for whom the normal "give-and-take" of every-day life is a threatening, anxiety-producing affair and they usually hide from confrontations however minor. Instead, they will stew. Their feelings are easily hurt and they do not know how to verbalize their displeasure without "making a ... federal case" out of trivial issues.
They are not the most optimistic of persons. Fearing the spontaneous side of life makes them attempt to control everything and everybody in their lives.
They have a propensity to jump to conclusions. Being hesitant to discuss any subject that may lead to their psychological or emotional discomfort, they will stand by their frequently error-ridden judgements without ever trying to verify them. Their inability outside the home to willingly confront issues leads them to "take it home" where they expect their mates to uphold and support them. They are not, however, willing listeners to criticism or advice that is not supportive of their positions, particularly if told they invite much of the abuse.
So ISFjs exhibit a propensity to see one side of an issue - the side with which they agree. For this reason, they can be difficult to interact with on a personal level and their self-imposed martyrdom becomes tiresome. Every argument becomes a "poor me" statement or a "do you know how that makes me feel" statement without addressing the facts.
Their need to control in an attempt to subvert "bad things happening" can also create and transmit tension to all around them. If they are not able to resolve internal conflicts and anxieties, they, because of their inability to give voice to their inner turmoil, can bring out psychosomatic illnesses to draw attention away or to extricate them from the give-and-take dynamics of life. If not, they could explode with physical violence.
Although they are generally sweet personalities, their mood swings make it difficult for people to be comfortable with them on a continuing basis and make them difficult to understand since they do not give voice to inner and outer struggles. They are generally able to be demonstratively affectionate but only with family members within the shelter of their own homes where they tend to "own" the home, the spouse, the children, etc. ISFjs often go unappreciated because they give quietly and unobtrusively in their martyr-like way.
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C30 I'm reading in terms of Si, Fe, Ti, and Ne...The MBTI..It was enlightening to me becuase I had the impression that the Guardians were also "mostly" rational, living with an decent objective reality...According to Jung, they do not. However, Jung seems to describes things in an almost exaggerated way; somewhat from a place of neurosis. But that's just my impression of Jung -- Anonymous |
C31 I can see how this article is deemed offensive to an ISFJ (as I am one). It's very frank as it states facts. I had to read this several times as hard as it may have been. It's like what C2 talked about, seeking guidance yet hating the criticism. This article is exactly that. I was seeking guidance but didn't like how the article exposed the ISFJ type. -- Anonymous |
C32 Hello ISFJ! Do ISFJs really hold true to their grudges? I read many contradictory info: Some say ISFJs can never condemn anyone to their doom. The are too caring and "neeedy." But some say-"forget it"-once and ISFJ writes you off, you're done. Which one is it? Consider: I have never lied, betrayed, or forsaken this stubborn ISFJ of mine. -- Anonymous |
C33 Does the ENFp always tire of his relationships? Does the ESTj always eat at the hour, on the hour? Does then ISFj always hold grudges? Socionics describes general personality and communication preferences. Trying to box a certain personality type into a strict pattern of behavior is both impossible and lacking in any practical merit. -- Anonymous |
C34 C32: This ISFJ Uncovered article might have been harsher criticism than other Uncovered profiles. The INFP Uncovered, was spot-on for me, except for the gambling part. And, I wouldn't want anyone I know to read those things about me, but I'm not ashamed of any of it either. Those weaknesses are also my strengths. Definately, as the INFP Uncovered indicated, money is the first thing I consider when choosing a mate. I'm proud of myself for that! So, just remember that those flaws are part of your strengths and part of who you are. Its okay to love yourself, even if you aren't perfect. -- Anonymous |
C35 To me it seems that the uncovered isfj article is much harsher than usually expected, because the isfj were provoking it. That's a bit unfair I think. When I read the other uncovered articles I had some enlightening and some delighted moments as well, but here I only feel pity. Hence I conclude, that this uncovered article is a bit too much. I like C34s approach on the matter. I just have a hard time to turn the weaknesses as described in the article above into strenghts in my mind. - INFx -- Anonymous |
C36 I do not think that one can turn weaknesses into strengths; one needs to compensate for them. In this case, they need to find ways to truly place themselves in the shoes of another person β to step outside themselves, perhaps with experience and maturity. True understanding of the situation or the motives of people will remove a lot of heat from the pressure cooker, and having a strong βTeβ partner would certainly help with depressurization. -- I/O |
C37 My Dad is an ISFj. I don't think this article is harsh at all, it is 'uncovered' - the worst possible side of that type. Taken to the extreme, ISFjs can be this bad. I do have a bit of a complex about my Dad because he has 'exploded' over relatively minor things many, many, many times. I still love him though (and fear him). He puts his whole being into being a parent and is quite self sacrificing. An 'absent father' I do not have. I don't think the ENFp one is accurate except for ENFps 'gone wrong'. This is a similar kind of thing - it describes an ISFj who never, ever learns to relax, or even to live-and-let-live. My dad has my ISFp Mum to help him do that...sometimes. -- pandapanda |
C38 C32: Both are sort of true. First of all, we tend to hold grudges because of our hesitance to let other people know what's bothering us. However, we are generally pretty quick to forgive and don't particularly like to be angry with others. In fact, we tend to look for the good in others. On the other hand though, we're also very big in continuity, and when someone does something or a series of things over a long period of time that we consider "bad" or "extremely rude" or "selfish," etc. sometimes we label a person in our minds as "bad" regardless of other behavior, though sometimes even this can be reversed. One example I can think of right off the top of my head is my high school band director. He came to us pretty much right out of college and as a result of his inexperience was not exactly the best director. Many of my band friends would complain about him "Oh he doesn't know what he's doing, he's an idiot..." but I would always say stuff like "He's still learning" and "We should really give him a shot" and "I have faith in him." Then as the season went on he started really doing some crappy stuff like screaming at us unnecessarily, criticizing me in front of the group, and making us marching for two hours everyday without a water break. And even when I would talk to him about my concerns he would just act like everything was fine and he had everything under control and I was the problem for not caring enough about band. Haha, he even yelled at me for like ten minutes in his office one time and I started crying (I'm pretty sure he's a logical.) and he just kind of looked at me like I was crazy. Anyways, I pretty much wrote the guy off as an asshole and even when he does do nice stuff for us or tells a joke or tells me "Good Job," I just roll my eyes because no matter what he does, he can't really undo all the crap he's done to me and the band over the past year or so, and I really don't believe he's changed and he's never apologized or admitted he was wrong or whatever. Hope that helps! -- Anonymous |
C39 As an ISFj, I would have to say that this is incredibly accurate. It says a lot of things about the way I think, like never quite being able to articulate my problems with people, that I never quite understood why. I guess it's neurological, huh? -- Anonymous |
C40 As an ISFJ I am very aware of having an dominant. Every bit of information I take in is cross referenced to my store house of data from the past. I will often use it in conjunction with my auxilliary Fe to make decisions which I think will help other people. These two functions will happen almost simultaneously. I have been married for 30 years to an INFP. -- Chris. |
C41 I'm an ISFj, it's all so true. I have massive mood swings and I'm what a lot of people would call self loathing, because I'm very insecure and shy. Taking nice comments is hard and I hate being so boring and middle aged for my relatively young age (15). Boys tend to find me boring and 'too mature'. I hate being an ISFj. -- Anonymous |
C42 My dear sister is ISFJ, I'm INFP, and we've always gotten along very well, and are similar as far as being introverted and sensitive. I vent everythin though, I can't keep it inside, and she is very tight-lipped, especially when she's going through something. She keeps things 'harmonious' too, hating conflict. I don't like it either, but I can't ignore it. I think she was VERY stressed growing up, being the youngest, and the only S. -- Anonymous |
C43 C13 - I am an ISFJ and have been married to an INFP for 30 years. He loves me enough to keep trying and I thank him for that! MBTI and the Love Languages have helped us a lot. C26 is right about dominant Introverted Sensing and auxilliary extroverted feeling. I draw on my detailed memory and experiences in the past(Si) to help make people's lives comfortable in the present (Fe). Thats why our type make good hostesses, nurses and teachers. -- Anonymous |
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