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T vs F in conflict: Two different languages, dialogue of the deaf
by Antonio P.

Note: This article is not produced by a psychologist and is based on the analysis of a small sample of individuals. The following text is open to debate and is mainly to be used as hint.


As soon as a context or a situation involve more than one individual, the concept ...
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Your Comments: 1+
C1 How far does the T vs F conflict go when we're examining a Dual relationship? I would assume that conflict might be less frequent or less pronounced, but I am in a relationship with my Dual, an LSE, and we have these T vs F disagreements quite frequently. I bring to his attention that the way he is making his point is very abrasive and "mean," but he insists that he is simply trying to address his concerns. We always kiss and make up, but the same conflict inevitably erupts again at a later time! -- An EII
C2 Unfortunately lot of T vs F conflicts in normal conditions never end. They just go in loop forever, at least if one of the two bring an above normal skill in the dialog. Let's make it clear that we are talking about conflicts here: If it's just a misunderstanding (meaning that both parties in fact agreed on the same thing, but did not communicated it adequately), usually, Feeling individuals are great at clarifying this situation when going through their "peace treaty process". But if it's about truly divergent opinions on sensitive topics... The thing to understand is that the T-F scale is doomed to be "the conflict scale", because Thinking or Feeling is what one will use to orient their decisions in life, among which decisions :"how do I perform human to human relations". The different approaches are that Thinking individuals prioritize people rights over their needs while feeling individual prioritize people needs over their rights. If a Thinking fellow have the right (or believe that he has the right) to have something, he wants to have it anyways even when there would be somebody 100 times needing it more than him. If a Feeling fellow needs something, he just claim it and thinks being more entitled to it than anyone else. Understand that these are 2 fundamental and opposite ways to interact with people and both of them have equal value: No organization (work, society, even family one) would function in a coherent way if it was about bending under anybody's whims: A set of common rules placed above everybody to regulate their actions whatever they want to do, is necessary. On the other hand, there is no way to think about these rules without (and these rules essentially come from) the universal ethics and morals that Feeling individuals can perceive-understand out of the nothingness. Basically Feelings inspire the world devise wise and fair rules and Thinking guarantee their effectiveness in organizing the world. The constant arm wrestling between Thinking and Feeling is the necessary dynamics that allow societies to have cohesion and to evolve at the same time. If I went that highly philosophical with the concept is to help you understand the fundamental opposition between T and F but at the same time, the beauty of it. It is not for nothing that you were so often attracted mating with Thinking people and that Thinking people so often look for Feeling people. Then take it the way it is, as what make people good is also what make them bad. You probably appreciate the way his T side make him look in life: the image of a man strong, not afraid to stand for what he thinks in front of anybody... and don't worry, speaking such opposite languages into a relationship conflicts is far away from ruining it, when we are talking "dual" relationships: As dual partners you share a bound that way outpass these repetitive conflicts you encounter. You bring to him what he essentially needs (yes I said need here) to be balanced and feel having his place in life and so he does for you. The success of a love relationship also depends mainly on many things other than type such as physical attraction, culture, life goals... and as soon as you can keep these positive between you guys, having both types being "dual" will be a guarantee of success. You guys will go so mad at each other from time to time but will feel that the love is still there... maybe mutually understanding the necessity of the type function of each other (T or F) as I described above, and fully accept it will make you guys more opened to listen to each other languages, and change day after day the language you speak to each other. Thank you -- Antonio P.
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