Socionics Personals | | Female Straight 16-25 Oceania Libra ENFj |
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Impressions of an ESFj
by I/O
She tries to control her immediate situation and environment in order to assure success or security, and she feels most happy and secure when everything and everybody is under control. She's very interactive with people and things around her, and is usually very upbeat and tactile as if she wants immediate and ... reassuring feedback. She has strong opinions about ethics and propriety, and is not shy about expressing them. However, she takes everything a little too personally; she has admitted to often being hurt by insensitivity and criticism.
She has amassed an extensive set of norms, behaviours, beliefs and morals to which she seems to measure everything and everybody. It's very apparent that she collects information by first comparing it with what she already knows. Knowledge is refined in small increments, and each refinement seems to demand corroboration; she invites second opinions on almost everything even though she already knows the answer. She's admitted that her standards are highly influenced by others and society in general. She asks lots of confirming questions, and can be circular during discussions until she's satisfied that she knows or is certain; she actually cares but others might see it as prying.
For her, the best route to status, success or security is having marketable skills or know-how. She has honed her own natural abilities to perfection becoming capable and self-sufficient, and doesn't mind bragging about it. She's a strong advocate for herself, for those close to her, and for what she feels is proper or her rights. She also likes it when people support her position and for this, she too is very supportive of others. With such a sociable nature, she's excellent at building allegiances, friendships and relationships.
She locks onto things that need doing or resolution like a dog to a bone. She seems to exude expectation and her need for closure makes her persistent, sometimes to the point of annoyance. She often repeats herself or overdoes it; she never seems sure when enough's enough. To say that she's engaging is an understatement. She's very alert to everything that's said or done, and is quite reactionary and sometimes confrontational when something is outside her limits. However, when she was younger, her single-minded, centric nature made her somewhat myopic and susceptible to being blindsided; now she's really cautious - gun-shy.
She likes to produce qualitative output: make comparative decisions, express value judgements, and convince everybody to be comfortable with the decision. She seems to have a knack for understanding the point of view of others and frequently adopts that understanding for herself. She does rationalize based upon values, ethics, feelings and relationships; she also seems to operate well in grey areas, with insufficient information and where expectations are somewhat esoteric. However, she's not comfortable with huge leaps of faith; in fact, she has a burning need to create lists - to have everything mapped out. Uncertainty makes her very uneasy and sometimes panicky.
She easily senses specificity: body language and function, physical properties, behaviour and order. However, she's terrible with direction, hasn't much time for do-nothing theorists and doesn't like the abstract. She sees everything in concrete terms of how it is and how it's displayed. Hence, most planning that she does is focused on minutia; she seems to believe that if one attends to the detail then the system will look after itself. With this same philosophy, she spends lots of time on matters of personal health or wellness for both herself and her family.
She pays very close attention to the opinions and actions of others, which seems to govern her own responses to a large extent. She easily picks up detail about people and their needs but I think she can be blind with respect to herself and her own needs; at times, she's a little too selfless for her own good. Although she can harshly criticize others, she gets a huge amount of satisfaction from making those same people happy.
She views society as hierarchical in nature and looks favourably upon those who behave appropriately for their status; she has a strong need to be accepted by others. I think she defines acceptance as being needed and appreciated; hence, she's highly supportive of others regardless of their status. She tries to be the best at what she does and wants to be perceived as the highest achiever, so in this way, she's rather competitive. Many have told her that she has good taste, and this seems to please her. She tries her hardest, displays her finest and modifies her own behaviour to appear worthy; she has an excellent eye for what would garner approval.
Work wise, she's quite organized and practical, good at adapting her know-how to day-to-day problems. She's dutiful respecting rules and authority, and thinks that others should do so as well. She's a doer who can endure much hardship to make sure things get done. She's predictable and dependable preferring to do things in established ways; she's not a risk taker. She values stability, has a strong focus on detail, and wants to make everyone agreeable. She likes supervising and mentoring people to ensure any endeavours are undertaken properly. If people are erring or misbehaving, she has an immediate urge to correct them.
She's warm and enthusiastic; she appears motivated more by enthusiasm than by expectations. However, a certain amount of impatience lurks just beneath the surface so sometimes she reacts before she thinks. She seems propelled by nervous energy - is often in a hurry, worried or having something on the burner, which could be why she needs lots of sleep. She's hurt by indifference and unkindness - exclusion. She says that she feels warm inside when others approve of her.
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Your Comments: 1+ |
C1 You are here very well describing the only one ESFj I know, our 31 years old first daughter who came back to us after her divorce. However our daughter is much more egocentric; when she wants to succeed, everybody has to be her servant and she doesn't care or even despises actual needs of people who are round her. But she is a generous egocentric, she makes many expensive gifts which unfortunately often don't fit as she unconsciously imposes her views of what others'needs have to be. Beside this trait she also worries alot about her health and her external appearance; for instance, she does'nt eat food if it is not of the first and best quality and gives it to us when it is a little too old for her, or she refuses to do housekeeping tasks (like cleaning her room with the vacuum cleaner) as she claims they will damage her back so that her old parents have to do these tasks! -- piccolo_michel |
C2 C1, egocentric is a term that I normally associate with IXXj and EXXp because they're usually more intransigent about their conduct and objectives. EXXj and IXXp can have eccentricities like everyone else but I attribute their posturing and bragging more to defences of what they know and to situational control mechanisms, as opposed to fulfilment of internal desires; however, they can become very egocentric when stressed or feeling vulnerable such as after a divorce. -- I/O |
C3 Doesn't sound like the ESFjs I know. -- Anonymous |
C4 P_S: As my wife's type is ENFp and mine ISTp our reaction to our ESFj daughter can better be explained. She is my wife's benefactor and my supervisor. Our daughter tries to control everything in our life, inclusive the way we look at our health and imposes her way, what is opposite to our strong need of independency she can't understand. This situation is very unsatisfying for us as my wife and I are without defense and of course our daughter doesn't get recognition for what she does. Asymmetrical intertype relations are very difficult, particularly when they go against an usual hierarchy. -- piccolo_michel |
C5 C4, my daughter has a type that's supposed to be supervisor to my type. She does not try to supervise me because she views me as having had much, much more success when I was at her age. However, she has never once listened to my advice; she listens to her mother's advice who is her supervisory type, which has gotten her into huge amounts of difficulty several times. It seems that supervisees hear what they want to hear from supervisor types; it supports what they really want to do deep down, whether it be a sound decision or not. In your case, agreement likely revolves around shared values - the Si that you need rationalized from a Fe perspective to confirm what you have already concluded but was unsure about acting upon it. -- Anonymous |
C6 This is what you do: Act like you have no idea how to take care of yourself and put up with her crazy when shes sad cook with her and watch movies from her childhood make her feel needed and verbally praise her for specific tasks so pretty much be an intj -- Anonymous |
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